Satire by John W. Lillpop
On the heels of the "right-wing extremist" controversy coming from the Department of Homeland Security, a counter force is looking to identify and deal with left-wing extremists.
According to prudent sources, You Are a left-wing Extremist If You Believe that--
* The U.S. Constitution is unconstitutional because women and racial, sexual preference, and religious minorities were all under represented in 1776
* Nancy Pelosi understands the Catholic Church's teachings on abortion better than all popes, past and present
* Vast sections of America are still owned by Mexico, despite the Treaty of Guadeloupe, which was approved by both nations in 1848
* Silencing conservative talk radio is vital to America's national defense
* Sandy Berger was a greater patriot and more honorable than Dick Cheney
* Barney Frank would be a terrific Secretary of Defense
* Freedom of choice is inalienable, except when it comes to heath care, saving for retirement, and other decisions best left to government
* Hillary Clinton is a better role model than Mother Teresa
* The right of government trumps all individual rights, notwithstanding the Constitution and the Bill of Rights
* Illegal aliens must be counted in the 2010 Census in order to assure that sufficient Democrat ballots are ordered for the November elections
* That white spot on Monica's blue dress was actually secretarial "white out" planted by Linda Tripp to embarrass Bill Clinton
* Reparations should be paid to African Americans who can prove they voted for Obama
* Birth certificates must be produced to purchase a gun, but are completely unnecessary in order to prove eligibility for the presidency
* "Minutemen" refers to the sexual staying power of border patrol agents
* Speaking English within ear shot of Hispanics obviously here illegally is a serious hate crime
* Straight, white, employed Christian males should notify the local police 60 days before moving into a new neighborhood
* Borders are unnecessary when proper diplomatic protocol is followed
* Burning Old Glory is protected free speech, whereas rants by conservatives like Rush Limbaugh are "hate speech"
* A woman’s right to abort the life of an innocent child is inalienable; whereas execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric
* Starving a helpless victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable, but using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not
* Publicly wishing a friend or family member "Merry Christmas" is clearly an act of civil disobedience and is unconstitutional
* While symbols of Christianity must be hidden, Islam must be openly promoted in the name of religious awareness and tolerance
* Separation of church and state applies only to Christianity and Judaism
* Leveling the playing field between haves and have-nots is the most important function of government, even more so than national security.
* Tax cuts are wrong when returned to people who actually paid taxes, but perfectly fine when sent to those who paid none
* Paying higher taxes is the "Patriotic" thing to do
* Marriage is no longer necessary to sanctify man-woman relationships; however, it is absolutely essential that same-sex couples be allowed to marry
* Enforcing U.S. borders and immigration laws is wrong because it discriminates against Hispanics
* Those who support English as America's official language are racists, but those who prefer Spanish and other foreign languages over English are OK because of the inherent value of diversity
* Conservatives who seek to preserve American culture are hate mongers, whereas immigrants should be encouraged to celebrate their heritage even if it interferes with assimilation into mainstream America
* Skyrocketing energy costs devastate working American families, but protecting Alaskan wild life is a greater priority
* Outsourcing American jobs to foreign nations is driven by immoral corporate greed, but open borders and amnesty are acceptable because most illegal aliens are future Democrats
* Huge profits are obscene, except when enjoyed by Bill and Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Teddy Kennedy, and other liberals
* Military force must never be used, except when needed to obscure a Democrat president’s sexual misconduct in the Oval Office
* Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when aliens from Mexico invade America
Memo to Janet Napolitano and her minions at Homeland Security:
Those who pose the greatest threat to America's liberty are NOT military veterans, citizens concerned about the invasion by illegal aliens, those who oppose higher taxes, or people who have strong religious faith.
Rather, the REAL danger comes from far left extremists who think along the lines outlined above!
