Satire By John Lillpop
April 11, 2009
IRS
Washington, D.C.
CC: President Bush, All Democrats, and RINOs
Dear Ladies, Gentlemen and Undecided:
NOT enclosed herewith are fully-executed documents concerning my 2008 income and taxes, including 50 assorted pieces of meaningless paper normally generated only for the purpose of providing work for civil service types lacking sufficient intelligence and drive to secure gainful employment in the real world.
In calculating my tax obligations, I subtracted my "fair share" of money spent by the U.S. government where my interests as an American citizen were not represented, or were actually subverted.
As any pre-1960 textbook will tell you, "taxation without representation" is not cool.
But, back to my return.
Deductions were made for the following failings by the federal government:
-Foolish bail out and stimulus bills
-Borders not secured;
-Existing immigration laws not enforced;
-Homeland security measures not fully implemented;
-Taxpayer dollars used to provide public services to illegal
aliens;
-Illegal aliens allowed to evade income taxes;
-Ballots and other public documents printed in foreign
languages;
-Salaries and benefits paid to President Bush and the U.S. Congress while "working" on immigration reform.
Taking into account my fair share of services not received, the
U.S. government owes me about $15,000,000 for 2007.
Because I am politically conservative, I do not wish to add to the national debt just to rectify the wrong done me by the U.S. government.
Accordingly, I hereby recommend that IRS and ICE team up in a joint effort to collect taxes, current and past, from the largest block of tax evaders known to human kind: 38 million illegal aliens now squatting tax-free in America.
At the risk of being presumptuous, let me offer another suggestion: The greatest opportunity to confront these tax evaders would be at large public gatherings.
May 5 is rumored to be a "holiday" in the illegal alien community, to be celebrated with massive rallies and marches in cities all across America.
What a perfect opportunity for IRS and ICE to help retire the national debt, and reverse illegal immigration all at once by confronting millions of illegals clogging American streets on Cinco de Mayo Day!
How will you know the offending criminals? They will be the wackos flying Mexican flags with "Sí se puede!" or some other idiotic Spanish gibberish tattooed on their foreheads.
By the way, please note that I am filing early---law and order still means something in my house, if not in the White House or the U.S. Congress.
Sincerely,
John W. Lillpop
Overtaxed and Underloved
