Obama's Real Panic: No Way to Blame W. for Pirates Crisis!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Pirates have seized two ships in which America has an interest and continue to hold Richard Phillips, Captain of the Maersk Alabama, for two million dollars ransom.

After several days of witnessing the lone superpower in the universe literally brought to its knees by four Johnny Depp caliber pirates, even journalists in the leftist media are starting to wonder:

Where in the hell is President and Commander-in-chief Barack Obama?

Until now, Obama has been strangely mute, preferring to let Secretary of State Hillary Clinton speak for the administration.

Which makes perfect sense, given Clinton's vast experience in avoiding sniper fire, a skill set she acquired while invading Bosnia for hubby Bubba several years ago.

There is another, less diplomatic, reason why President Obama has been slow to get involved in the Pirates of the Horn of Africa fiasco.

When initial reports concerning seizure of the Maersk Alabama reached the White House, Team Obama immediately went into Red Alert mode with one objective:

Find a credible, or nearly credible, way to blame the Somalia pirate kerfuffel, and any all fall out to come, on George W. Bush.

Obama staff members were split into strategic teams to search the Internet, review all official Bush documents, and coerce Obama loyalists at ABC/CBS/ NBC/MSNBC and CNN into surveying video libraries to find any instance in which W. publicly insulted pirates or Somalia.

Unfortunately for Team Obama, the only statement of substance was a comment made by W., in July of 1994, when he was quoted in the national media as saying, "the pirates suck."

At the time, W. was heavily involved in operating the Texas Rangers baseball club, and was looking for right handed relief-pitching talent to trade for. He comment referred to the lack of decent pitching prospects owned by the Pittsburgh Pirates.

George W. Bush did not even know that Somalia existed back in 1994! Still does not!

Despite this initial setback, Team Obama continues to press for even the slightest canard that can be used to dump the pirate crisis onto Dubya.

One insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated emphatically that the administration would NEVER pay ransom to terrorists!

He did suggest, however, that a deal is being worked on to bail out the pirates with $2 billion of TARP funds.

Senator Dodd is reportedly working out the details!