Satire by John W. Lillpop
In his first campaign speech since firing Van Jones Sunday morning, President Obama will encourage America's youth to work hard, remain focused, and wash their hands often.
The admonition to their wash hands frequently is particularly poignant advise for students living in Charles Rangel's Congressional District and for those who live in the district of Nancy Pelosi, Rangel's full time enabling nanny.
The president plans to include a 'personal touch' to his presentation, scheduled for September 8, including a confession that he too had moments when he felt alone and not fitting in.
Unidentified sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, have uncovered a list of the top 10 moments in which Barack Obama has felt the loneliest and most out of place.
That list includes the following:
Obama's Top Ten Moments of 'Feeling Alone and Not fitting In'
*When a valid birth certificate is required to get a driver's license, Social Security number, or whatever;
*Whenever the Star Spangled Banner Is Played;
*During his two swearing in ceremonies for the U.S. presidency when he was forced to swear to "uphold and defend the U.S. Constitution," language that Obama says is way over the top;
*During recitations of the Pledge Allegiance, especially when "Under God" is included;
*Independence Day, Flag day, Veteran's Day, and Memorial day, all of which celebrate America's obsession with the use of deadly force;
*When picking up the bar tab for a racist cop who acted "stupidly" by profiling Obama's good friend Skip Gates;
*Every week day from Noon to 3 Eastern time, when the Rush Limbaugh show airs, and from 7-8 each evening during Glenn Beck's show;
*Every time Rod Blagojevich, disgraced former governor of Illinois, swears to tell the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," and appears to mean it;
*Every month when the latest unemployment figures are released; and
*Whenever Joe Biden is allowed to speak directly to the media without a translator.
Thanks, Mr. President, for sharing your most vulnerable moments with the next generation of American leaders and citizens!