Strategies for Invading America in the Era of SB 1070


Satire by John W. Lillpop

In light of Arizona’s tough new anti-illegal alien law, officials in the Mexican government have rushed through a revised guideline for invading America booklet,meant to help the prospective illegal alien get out of Mexico and onto the backs of American taxpayers with ease and comfort.

The booklet is published in both Spanish and Mexican, and includes maps and photos of landing spots for the newly arrived illegal alien.

A handy list of phone numbers including that of Janet Napolitano, the ACLU, and other corrupt immigration attorneys is provided.

Entitled, “Strategies for Invading America in the Era of SB 1070,” the booklet is available in all Mexican schools, banks, restaurants, government offices, churches, hospitals, prisons, confession booths, and travel agencies.

It is also available in America at Mexican embassies, Catholic Church parishes, Le Reza meetings, branches of the DNC, Janet Napolitano’s office, and by visiting Nancy Pelosi’s website, pelosinvadeamerica.guv.

By simply registering five or more illegal aliens as Democrats at Pelosi’s site, a free booklet will be shipped Overnight Express, franking courtesy of the U.S. Treasury.

When boiled down to its most base element, this strategy is a break through discovery in criminal behavior, exploitation of America’s ludicrous legal system, affirmative action fraud, all based on a liberal population intent on national suicide.

Winning the battle against America’s anti-Hispanic hatred involves the following actions:

The first step for the enterprising invader is to secure a respectable amount of marijuana, cocaine, and heroine, available at most gasoline stations, bars, movie theaters, churches, and Taco stands in Northern Mexico.

Then one must scamper across the border into the U.S. at a location where one is most likely to be spotted by Border Patrol agents.

When spotted by Border Patrol, make an immediate U-turn and started running back towards Mexico.

At that point, because they are racist pigs, the Border Patrol will chase you and most probably shoot you in the butt.

Do not panic, senor: : Your ship has finally come in!

After the Border Patrol has arrested you, you will be allowed one call.

Use this call wisely by contacting the nearest ACLU office. Tell them you are an illegal alien from Mexico who was shot in the ass by the Border Patrol on the American side of the border.

To assure immediate action, mention that you were shot while smuggling illegal drugs into the U.S.

Within 10 minutes or sooner, an ACLU lawyer will arrive at your cell and immediately start working on your behalf by text messaging Homeland Security guru Janet Napolitano to inform her of your awful plight.

Before you are actually booked, the Napolitano goons, in concert with the ACLU, will bail you out and cause the police to arrest all of the offending Border Patrol agents to take your place.

You will then receive immunity from all crimes in exchange for your testimony against the criminals, those punks who until two hours ago were Border Patrol agents.

Early next morning, your ACLU lawyers will visit you in your executive suite at the finest hotel in town, to sign documents needed to sue the former Border Patrol agents, the U.S. government, and all conservative radio talk show hosts and right wing columnists.

Provided the ACLU can find the right leftist judge and a rigged jury, you, the illegal alien, could look forward to receiving up to a five million-dollar judgment for your travails.

This is nearly what one might have hauled in by selling all those drugs!

What's that? You fear being arrested by racists and bigots in Arizona law enforcement?

Chill out, senor-dude!

Remember, you are a good hearted, hard working, fellow who just came here to do work that Americans, including blacks, will not do!

You are part of a protected class; a man to whom the rule of law does not apply.

Welcome to America!