Satire by John W. Lillpop
Arizona’s tough new anti-illegal alien law is causing quite a row from coast-to-coast, and beyond. In the interest of bringing a smidgen of tolerance and calm to the chaos, this pop quiz has been prepared to set the record straight with respect to the perplexing legal, social, and moral questions surrounding illegal aliens.
The quiz:
1. SB 1070 is un-American and unfair because:
( ) Illegal aliens, the nation of Mexico, and the city of San Francisco are unanimously opposed;
( ) Invading criminals, despite their many faults, are human beings and deserve to live wherever they want, without government interference;
( ) It pisses off former Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano no end.
2. President Obama said the following about SB 1070:
( ) SB 1070 creates a surplus in the Border Security budget and may cause several thousand border patrol agents to be laid off;
( ) This means that Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor will not be welcome in Arizona, a real loss for the good people of Arizona;
( ) Illegal immigration is yet another inherited mess from W.;
( ) Dealing with illegal aliens is above “my pay grade.”
3. Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has had a dramatic switch in his thinking and now opposes immigration reform because:
( ) Most Hispanics hate gays;
( ) Graham wants a few hundred billion dollars for his South Carolina constituents and holding the Obama administration hostage on immigration reform could be a bonanza like it was for Senators Nelson and Landrieu on health care;
( ) It’s more “macho,” in a wretched world where one’s manliness is under constant scrutiny.
4. Janet Napolitano, former governor of Arizona:
( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it;
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election in early July of 2006.
( ) Thinks ''Minutemen'' is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.
5. Illegal aliens are:
( ) Desperately needed by liberals to win elections;
( ) A misnomer: They are actually Undocumented Democrats;
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
6. Arizona law enforcement officials have been instructed to use which criteria to determine if an individual should be arrested on suspicion of being illegal:
( ) Drives a low-riding Chevy with a “Che Guerva Rocks” sticker on his bumper;
( ) Is too dark to be here legally;
( ) Speaks only guttural Spanish;
( ) Has an “Obama-Biden” sticker taped to the fore head of his mule.
There you go--now you are informed and ready to educate the rest of the world as to the decency and fairness of SB 1070.
