Strategies for Coping with Arizona’s Tough New Immigration Law

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Hispanics living in Arizona are being pushed to the brink of hysteria by a deliberate campaign of fear-mongering, disinformation, racial intimidation, and hate speech waged against the state’s tough new common-sense immigration law, fondly known as SB 1070.

Unfortunately, Hispanic angst is being exploited by the Obama administration, including the president himself, other reckless Marxists in the U.S. Congress, radical extremist groups like La Reza, and by the government of Mexico.

However, the fact of the matter is that law-abiding Hispanic citizens have absolutely nothing to fear.

This law, and others sure to come, concern only illegal migrants regardless of ethnicity or race.

In other words, being Hispanic is irrelevant in and of itself, except for the dreary fact that the overwhelming majority of illegal aliens currently here are Hispanic.

In the interest of making the transition from Napolitano-era fascism to the American rule of law as seamless as possible, it is imperative that non-Hispanics understand and accept that Arizona’s new law is understandably frightening to many Latinos, especially those here illegally.

Still, the good news for Hispanics is that there are several common sense measures that can be taken to minimize one’s vulnerability to being caught in the vicious vice known as the American system of jurisprudence.

Herewith, then, are nine empowering strategies for avoiding confrontations with bigoted racists disguised as Arizona law enforcement officials.

These strategies are highly recommended for Latinos who are good hearted and hard working, but nonetheless IWB (Invading while Brown).

The IWB imperatives:

1. Do not join marches where the Mexican flag is the only flag allowed and where angry Latinos carry banners, written in profanity-laced Spanish, to “demand” equal rights for illegal aliens;

2. Remember: Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday, which can be celebrated freely and openly---in Mexico, if you must.

3. Avoid emergency rooms, except in rare instances of actual life and death emergencies, and then only if no other options are available;

4. Refuse any and all offers of employment in fast food restaurants, car washes, farms where fruits and vegetables are picked, any position that requires the use of an obtrusive leaf blower, and housekeeping;

5. Do not demand that your Miranda rights be read to you in Spanish;

6. Under no circumstance should more than one identity be used when applying for any form of public assistance intended solely for citizens;

7. Learn to enjoy (or pretend to enjoy) hot dogs, apple pie, and baseball over tacos, refried beans, and gambling on dog fights;

8. Do not request Spanish-language absentee ballots until you have been paid in advance for doing so by a local branch of the DNC;

9. Avoid identifying yourself with un-American- sounding long names like Juan Pedro Luis Sanchez Gonzales Garcia Ramirez Rodriquez Chavez Reyes, even if each name is registered as a different voter with the Democrat party.

Above all else, hold you head high and remember this important fact: Not all Hispanics in America are here illegally; it just seems that way to grouchy, old white geezers!