BREAKING NEWS: Obama Opens “Path to Citizenship” for Illegal Aliens!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

(Washington, Lillspills)

Great news for the 12-38 million illegal aliens now living in the dark, deep shadows of America’s bowels and beyond!

To celebrate the state visit of Mexican President Felipe Calderon and his good lady, President Obama has announced a binding deal with Congressional leaders that opens a path to citizenship for the 12-38 million victims of America’s secure borders and rule of law crowd, mostly red-necked, beer swigging racists who hate anything brown.

The Obama Plan is effective immediately and, best of all, it is easy and free. Just follow these simple steps:

1. Call 866-347-2413 and tell the operator that you are an illegal alien, living at such and such address, in your city and state. For quickest results, give the operator your work phone, home phone, and the phone numbers of five relatives not living with you, but also in America illegally.

2. Again, the number is 866-347-2413, call collect if necessary and keep trying if the line is busy.

3, When the operator answers, her or she will announce that you have reached the immigration enforcement hotline. That means that you have dialed correctly and are moments away from being eligible for all the goodies that you can imagine.

4. Within 5 minutes to a few hours you will be visited by an official welcoming committee from the U.S. government. These folks will be dressed in official uniforms bearing the insignia ICE, which means Immigration Convenience Express.

These good people will be armed to keep red-necked yahoos from interfering with your assimilation into the greatest nation on earth.

That’s it! It is that simple.

Welcome to America!