W.'s Birth Certificate Controversy

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Listening to the likes of Senators Barbara Boxer and Harry Reid, and their public relations water carriers like Chris Matthews and Keith Oaferman rant and rave about the "birthers" issue and the insanity of it all, one cannot help but fantasize what the media would have been saying back in 2000 if President-elect George W. Bush' birth certificate popped up as an issue.

Think back for a moment: It is December 12, 2000 and the United States Supreme Court has just ruled 5-4 that Al Gore's hanging chades were unconstitutional, which meant that George W. Bush was the 43rd president of these great United States.

Next, a breaking news headline from CNN's answer to Fox, the irrepressible and flamboyant Wolf Blitzer!

"CNN has it on good authority that newly elected President George W. Bush was actually born in Guadeloupe, Mexico in July of 1946 and is therefore NOT an American citizen.

"Repeating: President George W. Bush was apparently born in a village in Mexico and, according to our sources, is not eligible to serve as president of the United States!"

How might that bit of news go down at MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, and the New York Times?

Would they dismiss it as "rubbish" and idle chatter from a bitter loser? Or would they invade Mexico in great numbers, thus partially canceling the impact of illegal aliens on America?

Would the New York Times run a 100-page expose, complete with color photos and sworn affidavits titled, "Why George W. Bush Talks That Way: He Is Not American!"

60 Minutes with Mike Wallace, a perky 93 back then, would use enhanced interrogation techniques to quiz GOP operatives on the science of forged birth certificates and would conclude: "Folks, this Bush will not hunt!"

On and on, a crescendo of outrage would flood the air waves as leftists would demand that W. release his official birth certificate, which was still being held by the Texas highway patrol as collateral for an unpaid DUI dating back 40 years.

Bush-gate would finally be resolved to the satisfaction of the Bush family, and only the Bush family, when the Mexican government would issue an official, "Declaration of Non-Birth, reading, in Spanish: 'We ain't never heard of no Dubya. He were not born in Mexico--we don't need no stinkin' Bush!"

Thus would end the kerfuffel and President George W. Bush would go on to be a Mexican mole serving in the White House at the behest of the Mexican government and illegal aliens for two terms.

W. would be best remembered as the greatest proponent of amnesty to have ever stolen the US Presidency!