Satire by John W. Lillpop
Breaking news from the never-ending soap opera that is Kim Young Il versus President Barack Obama in the most dangerous one- on- one reality show in the world.
As reported, in part, at Myway.com:
"Korea may fire a long-range ballistic missile toward Hawaii in early July, a Japanese news report said Thursday, as Russia and China urged the regime to return to international disarmament talks on its rogue nuclear program.
"The missile, believed to be a Taepodong-2 with a range of up to 4,000 miles (6,500 kilometers), would be launched from North Korea's Dongchang-ni site on the northwestern coast, said the Yomiuri daily, Japan's top-selling newspaper. It cited an analysis by the Japanese Defense Ministry and intelligence gathered by U.S. reconnaissance satellites.
"The missile launch could come between July 4 and 8, the paper said."
President Obama is said to be monitoring the situation "very closely" and is outraged that George W. Bush left such an awful mess behind.
Reports indicate that the president has taken the unprecedented step of adding the cell phone number of UN General secretary-general Ban Ki-moon to his speed dial directory on his Blackberry, a sure sign that the administration is taking this threat very seriously indeed.
President Obama also issued a press release minutes ago to reassure the American people, especially his Hawaiian buds on Oahu.
That press release in its entirety:
"I have just reviewed reports from our intelligence community which suggest that Kim Young Il is planning to fire a long range missile toward Hawaii sometime in early July.
"I would like to make it abundantly clear that this is seen as a hostile act on the part of Kim Young Il and will not be tolerated.
"As I say, I would like to, but that would be meddling in another nation's affairs. As we know from the failed policies of the past eight years, meddling simply does not work.
"Consequently, I will NOT say that firing a long range missile toward Hawaii is a hostile act.
"Besides, North Korea has a right to nuclear power, along with Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, Syria, and the Palestinian people.
"America has consistently hogged not only the world's petroleum but the nuclear option as well. This is wrong and I apologize to the world for American arrogance and greed.
"The time for CHANGE is now--America must not continue as the evil empire that denies people of color their right to Plutonium and other toxic elements.
"Therefore, I will send legislation to Congress this day seeking authorization to open America's nuclear arsenal to a "People of color only" auction festival on the lawn on the White House.
"Fresh vegetables will be sold by my lovely wife Michelle on a first-come-first served basis. All sales final, yuan only. Dollars will not be accepted."
"I hope that the American people will see this as an aggressive and responsible attempt to deal with deficits inherited from the last administration.
"As for the incorrigible Kim Young Il, let me say this: I was not planning to spend the 4th of July in Hawaii anyway. So there!"
And so it goes. Another smashing diplomatic victory for the humble man from the streets of Chicago!