"Miranda Rights" for Intrusive Census Questions?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Thinking back to the sight of civilians jumping from the Twin Towers to escape death by fire on September 11, 2001, how would you have answered the following question the next day?

"Given the horrific events of yesterday, what sort of punishment do you expect America to use in dealing with terrorists and suspected terrorists captured on the battlefield in the future?"

Circle the answer that most closely matches your expectations:

A. They will be subjected to mass executions without trial, civilian or military;

B. They will detained at a fortified US military base such as Gutananmo Bay, where they will isolated as "enemy combatants" to assure the safety and well being of American citizens; or

C. They will be advised of their Miranda rights and brought to American cities and tried in civilian courts.

Who in his or her right mind would have circled "C" eight years ago?

Yet, here we sit, in precisely that situation after electing an arrogant, wrong-minded leftist president, buttressed by an equally contemptible Congress.

Consequently, what would have been unthinkable just a few short years ago has transcended common sense and logic to become a bizarre reality!

Because of the esteem with which felons, especially ACORN volunteers, are held by Barack Obama and the Democrat Party, there is a growing concern about another problem, which although not nearly as grave as a terrorist attack, poses a significant threat to the American people.

At issue is the integrity of the 2010 Census among people who fear political manipulation and outright fraud.

Perhaps We the People need the equivalent of "Miranda Rights" for dealing with Census takers and their intrusive questions?

Miranda generally confers protection upon those being held against their will with language such as this:

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?"

Given the fascism in the White House and Congress, why not require that when that Census Taker knocks on your door, he or she be obligated to advise you of the following:

"The US Constitution requires an "enumeration" every 10 years. Enumerate means count.

"You have the right to remain silent after answering one basic question: How many people live here?

"Any information that your provide beyond that can, and will be, used against you by the US government."

How does that sound? Fair and balanced and likely to be passed and signed into law?

A more likely scenario would have the Census Felon handing you a letter signed by Obama, Pelosi, and Reid stating:

"The US Constitution requires that, for your protection, prosperity, and freedom, you be fitted with a microchip to track your movement at all times. This is essential in providing you with immediate access to all the financial and social benefits owed you, regardless of your immigration status or other superfluous categorization.

"All US microchips are preceded by three digits, 666, which signify ONLY that you are a blessed treasure and worthy of the American Dream. Other nations have other symbols, but because you are special, 666 has been reserved for you.

"The Constitution also requires that Census pollsters ask you 1,349 simple questions to determine how we can help you better.

"For example, if you earn $10,000 a year and another family across town earns $10,000 a week, we need to find a way to "spread the wealth" as brother Obama says.

"Refusing to answer all 1,411 questions (updated total) honestly and completely, and or refusing to accept implantation of the assigned microchip here and now, is a very serious crime, punishable by on the spot waterboarding.

"Thank you for your patriotic support!"