Gay Exorcism: A Spiritual Approach to Sexuality

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Regardless of which side you come down on the issue of homosexuality, it is undeniable that romances featuring Tom and Fred and Kathy and Sarah make things one hell of a lot more complicated.

Its "free will" gone mad, in my humble view.

From my right wing extremist mind set, why not leave things as they were when Adam and Eve fell in lust after a snake talked to Eve in the Garden of Eden?

Note that the whole concept of marriage and being manacled to one person for eternity originated with a damn snake who snookered a dizzy broad!

Things were so much less complicated back then. No need for Proposition 8 to define marriage, or a silly Defense of Marriage Act at the federal level.

Marriage was supposed to be between a dude and dudess, and everyone accepted that.

Historically, relations between the sexes started their descent to hell in a hand basket at precisely 139 AM, EST, on July 19, 1969.

At that very moment, a completely drunk Ted Kennedy left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown to death at the bottom of Poucha Pond, in what has come to be known as the Chappaquiddick Incident.

Since then, men have been ogling men and women have been flirting, and more, with other women.

Decent society ended right then and there when a rich and powerful man drowned a poor powerless woman and paid no penalty for said evil.

Starting at that moment, homosexuality has spread all across the planet, clearly a sign of the Higher Power's anger with Kennedy.

Until now, nothing could be done. Thus, about 10 percent of the population is destined to have sweaty palms and a racing heart when contemplating members of their own sex.

According to my religious learning, God was imposing the Kennedy Hex in a very random and arbitrary fashion.

Gayness is known as Hell on earth, except in San Francisco where hell is heaven, black is white, bad is good, and Nancy Pelosi continues to be sent to Washington to remind all Americans that hell does indeed exist!

Still, there is hope!

As reported at Breitbart.com, in part:


"A Connecticut church has outraged gay rights advocates by posting a video of members performing an apparent exorcism of a teen's "homosexual demons."

"The 20-minute video was posted on YouTube before it was taken down.

"Gay youth advocate Robin McHaelen (mih-KAY'-lehn) says the video appears to show abuse. She says she plans to report it to the Connecticut Department of Children and Families. "

The burning question of the moment: Did the exorcism work? Is Tom no longer lusting for Fred, but now panting for Kathy? Is Kathy now enamored of Fred and so over Sarah?

Clearly, this entire subject needs to be investigated and documented. We need a human volunteer, someone who is intelligent, gay, and close to Connecticut.

Say, wait a minute. Nut ball Barney Frank is gay, and is close to Connecticut. Two out of three ain't bad!

What say you, Rep. Frank? What are you doing next Sunday evening?

Why not bring a pair of asphalt pajamas and a Bible to this church in Connecticut and let the good people here kick the ass of the devil within you?

Send your "inner devil," packing, as it were?

If this works on old Barney, the F-22 bomber could be saved and hundreds of billions in defense cuts avoided and America could be saved!

God Bless America, Barney Frank, and gay exorcism!