Satire by John W. Lillpop
Just when you thought that Barack Obama was an isolated elitist who could care less about the mushrooming federal debt and other matters driving most Americans nuts, the Anointed One reveals that he too loses sleep over the mess he has created.
As reported, in part, at the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/16/AR2009061602610_pf.html
"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama said on Tuesday that worrying about the U.S. government's finances "keeps me awake at night" and the country needed to start planning now to tackle soaring deficits."
Even the most critical conservative will agree that our young president deserves to get his "8" each and every day.
After all, sleep is a fundamental human right, along with the right to broad band access to the Internet, the right to abortion, and the right to marry whomever or whatever one wants.
Thus, in the humanitarian spirit of helping, the ideas below are presented, free of charge, for President Obama's consideration:
Read a Book
Reading a dull and unfathomable book just before going to bed is guaranteed to hasten the arrival of the sleep fairy. Economics 101 would work, provided you skip those chapters that identify your policies as the antithesis to economic growth and prosperity.
Count to Ten Trillion
Counting sheep used to be a great way to drift off into slumber. However, you would be better served by counting backwards from ten trillion.
Caution: Do not focus on the fact that $10 trillion is your contribution to the national debt in just five months.
Try Prayer
A humbling surrender to a higher power just before turning in could work wonders, sir. Admitting that there IS a higher power would be required, but if you can deal with Michelle you can handle being Second Fiddle to God.
Try praying to the Christian God whilst on your knees and expect a miracle!
Change Social Network
Hanging with the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, and Tim Geithner would play hell with anyone's peaceful sleep.
A more responsible support group consisting of folks who actually pay their taxes and spend within their means could make 40 winks a lead pipe cinch!
Try inviting Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck up for a midnight snack and chat and watch your sleep life improve almost instantly.
Give Up Meddling
With all due respect, sir, you are like Karl Marx on steroids!
Too much on your plate at any one time can aggravate the soul, stomach, and lead to insomnia.
If I may be so bold, let me recommend that you lessen your load by putting some of the non-urgent issues on the back burner.
My recommendation is that you simply forget the Sotomayor nomination, heath care reform, amnesty for illegal aliens, closure of GITMO, repeal of "Don't ask, Don't tell," outreach to Islam, military cuts, gay rights, and other upsetting issues.
Let the new Congress in 2011 deal with these matters.
As an added bonus, the Republicans will most probably control both houses of Congress after the 2010 mid-term elections, and you can always blame them for obstructing your idealist remaking of America.
Develop New Interests and Hobbies
Former President George W. Bush left office looking young and vigorous despite his single digit approval numbers.
Why not take advantage of some of W.'s techniques for relaxing and unwinding?
You know, invade a foreign nation without provocation, or bomb Iran and or North Korea?
The point is, you deserve special treatment and a little shock and awe would get your mind off those ugly deficit numbers!
Last but not least, Mr. President:
Resist the temptation to grab another trillion dollars of taxpayer money to fund a study to determine the source of sleep disorders among US presidents!
Follow these steps and you will sleep like a baby!
