Satire by John W. Lillpop
Open Letter to Rip-off Credit Bank
May 2, 2009
Rip-off Credit Bank
Bail Out, Washington D.C.
Reference: Account 000-000-0000
Dear Gentleman or Gentlelady:
I am in receipt of your May 1 correspondence in which you advised that my credit limit has been substantially reduced, the interest rate on the unpaid balance has been doubled, and exorbitant new penalties and fees added to the terms.
Your correspondence arrived at about the same time as the government released the "stress test" results for banks that received hundreds of billions of dollars in "bail out" from We the People.
To be perfectly frank, when it comes to solvency and credit worthiness, Rip-off Credit Bank appears to be far less credible and stable than this ordinary American taxpayer.
Of course, I have been unable to convince Tim Geithner and his pals at the U.S. Treasury to advance me even one billion dollars in bail out.
By the way, wasn't Geithner an employee of Rip-off Credit Bank until he left with a cleverly disguised golden parachute worth millions? Wonder if he paid taxes on that?
Back to the subject at hand.
In light of the poor performance by Rip-off Credit Bank during the Stress Test, I have concluded that I can no longer trust your institution to meet my business and personal needs for liquid credit.
Accordingly, I hereby officially notify Rip-off Credit Bank that I am canceling my account in full, effective immediately.
As to the unpaid balance of $17,890.29, you are directed to take that amount of money from the "bail out" funds which you have received from Treasury.
To help expedite this process, I have included Treasury Secretary Geithner on distribution for this memo, and hereby authorize him to designate $17,890.29 of the next bail out check as "Only for retirement of Account 000-000-0000. "
It has been a pleasure doing business with Rip-off Credit Bank, and I wish you all the best in saving your corporation from bankruptcy or, even worse, nationalization.
Regards,
John Lillpop
San Jose, Ca
CC: Timothy Geithner, US Treasury
