Back to "Normal" in Mexico? God Help US!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Despite warnings from medical authorities all across the globe that the Mexican swine flu remains a "threat to all of humankind," this failed state has decided to reopen beer bars, confession and tithing booths at Catholic churches, maps and travel tip centers for illegal aliens, and other enterprises vital to the Mexican way of life.

President Felipe Calderon was almost giddy as he proclaimed that Mexico was returning to "normal" in a few days.

Even as Calderon's words of good cheer were soothing the hearts of those stuck in Mexico City, signs of hustle and bustle, (mostly hustle), were evident on the streets and alleys of the capital city of this third-world nightmare.

Among the more encouraging signs of a pending recovery:

* Drug cartels resumed decapitations, boiling of corpses in nitric acid, shooting anything wearing a badge, and general acts of terrorism designed to devastate the small pockets of humanity within Mexico passed over by the swine flu.

* Law enforcement authorities such as police and sheriff deputies started accepting bribes and using extortion again.

* Prostitutes, call girls, and naughty massage parlor senoritas were "Back in the Business of Pleasure!" many offering post-swine discounts for police and sheriff deputies flush with all that cash received as the bribes and extortion sector recovers.

* Illegal aliens resumed their relentless march toward welfare, food stamps, education, and free health care by ignoring U.S. borders and invading America for said booty.

* Invasions into America were back up to about 5,000 peasants a day, although Calderon announced that his "Economic Stimulus Plan" for Mexico calls for that number to be immediately doubled to make up for revenues lost to swine flu.

Calderon's idea of "Stimulus" is to dump as many Mexican peasants as possible on the backs of American taxpayers, a position the Obama administration and Democrats in Congress wholeheartedly endorse.

* Identity theft workshops reported a 32.8 percent increase in enrollment as citizens prepare to head north as a part of the Felipe Calderon economic recovery plan.

To those who believe that the swine flu scare was nothing but anti-Mexican hysteria, cheer up! Your day may be dawning.

Just to be safe, however, unnamed sources advise that anyone planning to stay in Mexico for more than four hours replenish their stash of surgical face masks, Tequila, and illegal alien travel kits.

Just in case the Mexican swine are cleverer than expected.