Obama’s First Annual Report Card, Corrected to Include Truth

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Being the modest fellow that he is, President Obama, when asked to grade his first year in office, gave himself a B+, which would have transformed into an A if health care reform had passed.

Now that health care has crashed and burned, Obama’s report card has been corrected to incorporate truth and leave out hope and audacity.

So it is, that based on an analysis of the president’s performance by an unbiased and open-minded panel of right-wing extremists, President Obama is graded on ten critical elements of his presidency as follows:

Measure/Obama Score

Unemployment/Jobs Creation:0

Homeland Security/Defense: 0

Overall Economy/Fiscal Prudence:0

Deficit Management: 0

Iran Nuclear Crisis:0

Middle East Peace: 0

USA Image Abroad: 0

Transparency in Government:0

Impact on Racial Relations:0


Based on a weighted average of these data points, our esteemed panel offers the following counsel to the president:

There is a 95 percent probability that you will join the ranks of the unemployed by not later than November 2010, possibly earlier if impeachment becomes viable.

How does that square with your B+, sir?