How Obama Can Deliver His State of Union in Under Two Minutes

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Pity poor Barack Obama. Delivering the State of the Union after his wrecking-ball performance over the past twelve month is almost too much to ask, even for a clean and articulate man of color without a Negro dialect.

Democrats are urging the president to focus on the economy and the lingering carnage attributable to George W. Bush. That would make the speech 40-60 minutes long, far too much time for a failed president.

Above all else, Obama needs to make his speech short, concise and to the point.

America is in deep trouble and the last thing we need is a long lecture about how George W. Bush is to blame for all bad news, including the earthquake in Haiti according to some deranged leftist actor out in Hollywood.

America does not give a damn about savaging W. anymore. We want our leaders to focus on fixing the problems rather than fixing blame!

Another bit of free counsel: Completely avoid the word CHANGE, as that word is now synonymous with communism in the hearts and minds of Americans who have been paying attention.

One more helpful tip: Avoid the following subjects entirely:

Unemployment/Jobs Creation

Homeland Security/Defense

War in Afghanistan

Energy Independence


Overall Economy/Fiscal Prudence

Deficit Management

Iran, North Korea

Russia, China

Status of the Dollar

Middle East Peace

USA Image Abroad

Transparency in Government

Race Relations, and

Health Care Reform

Focus instead on your Nobel Peace Prize and other outstanding achievements, Mr President.

By speaking only about your achievements, sir, you should be able to deliver your State of the Union in less than two minutes, provided your teleprompter does not misbehave.

Good luck, and Allah bless America!