Bad Karma, Rotten Timing Doom “Chemical Ali”

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From Baghdad, comes news that Ali Hassan al-Majid, cousin to the late Saddam Hussein, was executed by hanging, more than three years after Hussein himself was hanged.

As reported, in part, by the New York Times (1):

“BAGHDAD — a symbol of the former government of Saddam Hussein, who ordered a poison gas attack on a Kurdish village in northern Iraq, was executed on Monday.

“An Iraqi court had sentenced Mr. Majid, 68, to death by hanging last week. Mr. Majid, known as Chemical Ali for his role in the attack on the village of Halabja, in which more than 5,000 Kurds died.

“Iraq’s state television broadcast pictures of what it said was the execution, showing a man in a black mask and red jumpsuit on a wood scaffold, with a rope around his neck.”

Were it not for bad karma and rotten timing, Chemical Ali could have gotten a much better deal from the wrecking crew affectionately known as the Obama administration.

If, for example, Chemical had tried to blow up a jumbo jet over Detroit on Christmas Day, he would have immediately been read his Miranda rights and treated like the returning prodigal son from the New Testament.

Eric Holder’s Justice Department would have rushed to hire a team of powerful attorneys to defend Chemical, the tab for which would, of course, be added directly to the federal deficit.

After three or four days, President Obama would emerge from his surfboard at Waikiki beach long enough to apologize (again) for the Bush administration, the ineptness of which led to Obama inheriting the likes of Chemical Ali.

Obama would have gone on to insist that Chemical not be subjected to Enhanced Interrogation Techniques (EITs) like water boarding. Thus, the US government would have been prevented from securing additional information that would be vital to predicting and thwarting future attacks.

The president would defend the pansy-like treatment of Chemical as a “necessary step in restoring America’s image through out the globe and in assuring Muslims that we understand that Islam is a great religion of peace that must not be offended by an outbreak of irrational Christianity just because it happens to be Christmas Day.”

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano would have declared that the system worked perfectly even though Chemical came within 20 seconds of incinerating over 200airline passengers and fouling up the skies over Detroit, making it almost impossible for Santa to fulfill his December 25 obligations.

As quickly as possible, the Obama administration would move to dismiss all charges against Chemical who would then be returned to Baghdad, from where he could continue to plunder helpless Kurds into submission.

All of which would have been done to convince Osama bin Laden that America is a fair and just nation, in addition to being non-Christian.

Bottom line: It was Chemical Ali’s great misfortune to have been an enemy of America in the days when we had a real president whose first priority was to assure the defense and safety of 300 million Americans.