What Will Obama Offer Alvin Greene to Quit SC Senate Race?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Unless one makes it a habit to routinely check felony arrest records in South Carolina, the name Alvin Greene might not mean all that much.

Until, that is, Tuesday night when Alvin Greene came out of nowhere to grab the Democrat party nomination to run against Republican Sen. Jim DeMint in November.

As reported at thehill.com, in part:

“Less than 24 hours after Alvin Greene’s surprise win in the South Carolina Democratic Senate primary, the state party has asked him to withdraw from the race because of a pending felony charge.

"Today I spoke with Alvin Greene, the presumptive Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate, and asked him to withdraw from the race," Carol Fowler, chairwoman of the South Carolina Democratic Party, said in a statement.

”The Associated Press reported Wednesday that Greene is facing felony charges for displaying pornographic pictures to a University of South Carolina student.

”Greene posted bond after his arrest in November for showing obscene Internet photos to the young woman, according to the report. Though Greene has yet to enter a plea or be indicted, if convicted, he could be imprisoned for up to five years.

”In an earlier interview with the Ballot Box, Greene admitted he was surprised with the results of Tuesday's vote. At the time of the interview, the party had not called for his resignation.

”He said his chances against Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) were good because "this is a dire time in South Carolina and the U.S."

”Greene stunned observers Tuesday when he won the nomination. He raised no money and put up no campaign website but beat former four-term state lawmaker Vic Rawl 59 percent to 41 percent.”

Meanwhile, unsubstantiated reports from unreliable sources indicate that Obama Chief-of-staff Rahmn Emanuel and a gaggle of lawyers from the Department of presidential pardons has traveled to South Carolina in the dead of night on a top secret mission.

Aides were reportedly hand-carrying a plain, brown envelope marked “Secret” with a return address of BHO and were escorted by armed Secret Service agents.

Speculation has it that the Emanuel mission is to offer Alvin Green a full and unconditional presidential pardon for dropping out of the race.

Other insiders, however, tell this reporter that the envelope is the type typically used to disguise the transport of pornographic materials between addicted users.

The burning question of the day remains: What Will Obama Offer Alvin Greene to Quit SC Senate Race?