What About the Constitutional Right to Air Conditioning?

By John W. Lillpop

With temperatures soaring quicker than Obama’s disapproval ratings, why is it that the Marxist trio of Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid have failed to provide all of us the people with a basic human right and one specifically guaranteed, in plain English, in our hallowed Constitution?

That would be the right to universal air conditioning, an absolute must for anyone pursuing happiness during the months of May through mid-October, give or take a month or so depending on location.

Universal air conditioning might cost a few trillion dollars to begin with, but the benefits would be overwhelmingly positive.

For example, health care costs would drop quicker than Congressional approval ratings as millions of people who would normally suffer heat strokes, heart attacks and other deadly health conditions in 90-110 degree ovens would remain cool and safe in homes protected by government-funded universal AC.

Furthermore, when the unwashed masses are hot and humid for long periods, the result is a spike in fights, riots, domestic violence and other social unrest which strains law enforcement and endangers law-abiding citizenry.

The cost of dealing with “heat rage” must be in the hundreds of billions, especially in areas where the low-income and disadvantaged are forced to live.

People exposed to unbearable heat and humidity also tend to consume copious amounts of beer, ice cream, and other high-fat, high-carbohydrate foods, which cause obesity which in turn leads to heart disease and diabetes.

In fact, the impact of oppressive heat and humidity is so profound that historians now concede that the Civil War would probably have been won by the Confederacy if the Old South had been protected by universal air conditioning.

President Obama needs to understand that the Tea Party movement and all of the rancor and discord coming from the right can be quelled and his Omnipotence restored by one single act: Provide us the people with universal air conditioning.

And do not forget the millions of jobs that would be created just to build, deliver, and install AC to every home in America! This could rival Roosevelt's WPA, Mr. President!

It is not just the right thing to do, sir, it is the Constituitional thing to do as well.

Give America universal AC and Barack Obama will go down in history as the "coolest" president in history!