Ricky Martin: From “Macho Dude” to “Queen of Livin' la Vida Loca'

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Hispanic folk lore has long held that homosexuality is an affliction of the soul visited only upon Anglo-Saxon Twinkies. According to legend, Hispanic males are incapable of lusting after other males, regardless of ethnicity, because of immorality inhibitors built into the Hispanic DNA by the Creator.

Imagine, then, the chagrin with which Ricky Martin’s “coming out” bulletin was received in barrios, day worker centers, and food stamp outlets all across what used to be America the Great.

As reported in the mainstream media, in part:

“Ricky Martin, the 38-year-old singer, who revealed he is homosexual in an emotional message on his official website, took to twitter to thank his fans for their support.

“He wrote: "Whats going on gang?I'm doing great! Stronger than ever! I'm here relaxing @ home enjoying ur messages! I feel the love! Thanx for all! peace(sic)"

“Writing on his official website, Ricky claimed it was the birth of his twin boys from a surrogate in August 2008 that led him to admit his sexuality.

“He said: "To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change.”


Wonder what grizzled old La Reza nut balls might think about that? Do you suppose they would agree that hanging onto one’s image as a normal, heterosexual male father would diminsh “the glow of the birth" of Martin’s sons?

Clearly, the pertinent question of the day is: How does one say, “Gay is glorious,” in Spanish?

Is it even possible to do so?