Frequently Asked Questions about ObamaCare

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Moon bats who voted for Barack Obama are obviously delighted that the U.S. House may use the Slaughter House option to ram ObamaCare down the throats of the American people, perhaps voting as early as Saturday next.

However, many people are confused and do not know exactly what to expect. The following list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) was hacked from DNC computers and shows the answers that Democrat voters are being fed:

Q: My next health insurance premium is due on April 5, 2010. Should I pay it, or will Obama handle it for me?

A: Registered Democrats and Independents who voted for ‘Bama are automatically covered as of 4/1/2010. President Obama has requested that instead of wasting more money on insurance premiums, these folks should make a generous, tax-deductible contribution to the Democrat party. Write “Ben Nelson-Mary Landrieu payoffs” on your check.

Registered Republicans and Independents who voted for John McCain will not be covered under ObamaCare until their 65th birthday or five years following the president’s signature, whichever comes first. Such people must continue to pay their overpriced premiums or risk a $5,000 annual fine and five years in jail.

Q: I am an illegal alien from Latin America who desperately needs transsexual surgery to align my sexual plumbing with my natural urges and instincts. I am bilingual, but only in Spanish and Mexican.

Am I covered, and when can I trade my useless penis for replacement parts that will set me free?

A: Good news, Pedro! As it turns out, you are covered as of 4/1/2010, just like the dopey American citizens who will end up paying for your switch.

To qualify, simply provide proof of your illegal alien status to the attending surgeon at least twenty minutes before anesthesia is administered.

One word of caution: Do not speak even a single word of English. Doing do may disqualify you immediately.

Q: I am eight plus months pregnant with twin boys. The father and I are not married and we have agreed that I will get an abortion. From a financial view, should we have the abortion now or wait until later this year?

A: We cannot dispense medical advice, but recommend that you ask your physician if he or she can guarantee that your brats will not pop out before April 1, 2010.

If premature delivery is not a risk, we advise waiting until mid-April to nuke the brats. By doing so, you will automatically qualify for the ObamaCare late-term rebate, which can save you thousands!

Q: Mother is 54 years old and in need of bypass heart surgery. She is still very active in GOP politics including her role as a top fundraiser for Sarah Palin. What are her options under ObamaCare?

A: We recommend that Mum apply for assisted suicide in a state where that procedure is legal, but wait until after April 1. Good news: Legal assisted suicide is fully covered (no co-pay) for Republicans and Independents who voted for McCain.

There you go! The Democrat party looking out for the little guy as always!