Janet Napolitano: You Are More of a Threat Than an Al-Queda Terrorist If You--

Satire by John W. Lillpop

With terrorists once again flying the friendly skies of America on a regular basis,it seems appropriate to remind each other that our safety and security is in the hands of left-wing nut ball Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano.

She, it will be noted, is the first female terrorist to actually do harm to America.

How goofy is this woman? Well, Napolitano puts great credence into a recently unclassified government report that warns against the possibility of violence by "right-wing extremists."

According to unnamed sources close to Napolitano, you are a right wing extremist if you--

* Were born in the Deep South

* Believe that 9/11 was more serious than Watergate

* Wear an American flag in your lapel

* Knowingly listen to Rush Limbaugh

* Speak and write perfect English, but no Spanish

* Own more than two Bibles or one Confederate Flag

* Believe that Jesus Christ means eternal life

* Support the rule of law and maintenance of law and order

* Want America's borders secured

* Believe that Mexico is a foreign nation and Spanish a foreign language

* Thank God that the U.S. won both world wars

* Oppose affirmative action, abortion, same-sex marriage, and gun control

* Believe that fighting higher taxes is more patriotic than paying them

* Prefer "Patriot's Tea" to Obama Kool-aid

* Doubt that Islam is really a "Religion of Peace"

* Believe that a baby Jew born to a virgin 2009 years ago saved mankind from sin

* Send out Christmas cards

* Attend a Christian church on occasions other than Christmas and Easter.

* Sing the National Anthem with your hand over your heart

* Fly Old Glory on Flag Day and Independence Day

* Believe that preventing voter fraud is more important than empowering illegal aliens, felons, and the deceased with the vote

* Own a gun and ammunition.

* Favor the death penalty for brutal killers, but oppose abortion of innocent fetuses

* Miss WF Buckley, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon

* Have read the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and U.S. Constitution more than once

* Believe that labor unions should be subjected to anti-trust laws.

* Have never committed adultery or had gay sex

* Drive a car built by an American car company in America

* Dispute the belief that the economic meltdown was worth it in order to open home ownership to more people of color

* Believe that the U.S. should spend more money on national defense than on foreign aid

* Suspect that Nancy Pelosi is dumber than a pound of recycled botox

* Mourn the 50 million fetuses that have been slaughtered since the Roe V. Wade ruling

* Pay a tithe or make a donation to any organized religion

* Are successful and prosperous and flagrantly show it

* Have never applied for food stamps or welfare

* Read the Wall Street Journal, George Will, Pat Buchanan, and Ann Coulter

* Watch FOX News

* Dislike Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and other communist dictators

* Know the words to "God Bless America" by heart

* Argue that global warming is little more than hot air circulated by liberals for "green" profit

* Want the UN out of America and America out of the UN

As it turns out, being a right wing extremist is exactly where most Americans should be, despite Janet Napolitano and the other pinko commies in Washington.