Where Is Osama bin Laden?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just what, in the name of all that is good and Holy, has President Obama been doing for nigh unto 60 days?

Everyone knows that the man has been unable, or unwilling, to keep his word on integrity (ear marks, signing statements, transparency, etc.) and ethics.

Everyone also knows that the president has made a wretched economy even worse by permitting clue less liberals like Nancy Pelosi to pile massive debt onto the backs of American taxpayers, their grandchildren, and their great grandchildren, ad infinitum.

Still, in the interest of being fair, one should consider some of Obama's more notable achievements to date.

Since 12:01 PM, EST, on January 20, 2009, Obama can claim credit for the following highlights from his presidential resume:

* Made headlines with his much ballyhooed plan to close Gitmo and relocate terrorists, and suspected terrorists, in states and cities run and or occupied by Republicans.

* Enhanced his image with the sleeper cell voting demographic, and other Islamofascist lunatics, by working to improve the lot of middle class American-based terrorists in their epic struggle against infidels, mostly Caucasian Christian Republicans.

* Promoted child infanticide (abortion) as a means for combating climate change based on new age science which shows, conclusively, that baby poop emits noxious C02 emissions, which can lead to global warming.

* Pissed off America's most loyal and powerful ally, the good people of Britain, with a wussy argument about being too "tired" to greet Prime Minister Gordon Brown in accord with proper protocol and decency.

* Made feminazism a respectable White House diversion by signing an Executive Order to resurrect the White House Council on Women and Girls. (Note: The Council was originally formed as a top secret, classified therapy group (12 Steps to Overcoming Sexual Addiction) by Bill Clinton in 1996, but was banished when Hillary read about Monica Lewinsky and Kathleen Wiley on Drudge.

* Converted the White House Cabinet into a halfway house/career center for tax cheats, "pay to play" con artists, and other unemployed Democrats generally considered unemployable.

* Assaulted the "Don't ask, Don't Tell" military policy that discriminates against girlie men, and promised to make the military a "Big Tent" of the sort that would cause Barney Frank's heart rate to soar!

* Relegated concerns about the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Iran's march toward nuclear weapons, North Korea's missile mania, and the spread of Mexico's drug war onto American soil to the bank burner long enough to counsel needy Republicans on their untoward radio listening habits.

Obama performed this good deed by warning the GOP of the toxicity spewing across the airwaves from 12-3p EST each afternoon, said venom originating with the hate-filled, fake larynx of Rush Limbaugh, on loan from God.

Despite Obama's many achievements, this reporter remains unbowed and will not let up until the "big question" is answered:

Where is Osama bin Laden, Mr. President?