Sir Ted Kennedy: Duke of Chappaquiddick!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

How utterly clever of the British to steal an American legend right from under our very own bar stool in the U.S. Senate.

As everyone knows, Senator Ted Kennedy has misrepresented the Great State of Massachusetts and worked to destroy America since 1962.

His most notable accomplishment to date has been to avoid criminal prosecution for the manslaughter of Mary Jo Kopechne, a young staff worker whom Kennedy left to drown after running his automobile off a bridge in 1969.

Though he was able to escape with his own miserable life, Kennedy paid a heavy price (for a Kennedy) because the stigma prevented him from buying the presidency.

During the 40 years since Chappaquiddick, Teddy has given alcoholics a bad name by drinking while voting on the floor of the United States Senate, and by whoring himself out as a blimp for Beefeaters whiskey.

All of which makes him an attractive target for a wonky queen who would like nothing better than to embarrass her unruly former subjects by honoring a man more suited for a drunk cell than Knighthood!

Ted Kennedy is a leftist extremist whose last sober breath occurred at about the same time as he called the police on the morning of July 19, 1969, twelve hours after abandoning Ms. Kopechne's drowning body at the bottom of Poucha Pond.

Which is why he deserves to be called Sir Ted!

Sir Ted, the Duke of Chappaquiddick.

When it comes to highlighting foolish Americans, Queen Elizabeth should keep on going! Why not Knight Slick Willie, the Duke of Oral Sex in the White House?

Or what about the blessed Obama, the Duke of Jihad currently in the process of destroying America?

That would immediately convert 300 million of us into subjects of Queen Liz.

And that would be bloody jolly for the old dame, say what?