Barack Obama's Decline from Messiah to Sports Center Host/Financial Advisor/Weapons Negotiator

Satire by John W. Lillpop

President Obama has apparently decided that this Messiah gig is a smidgen too dangerous, especially with Good Friday and the crucifixion doings right around the corner.

Images of conservatives with hammers and nails in their hands and anti-stimulus in their hearts, chasing him around the Oval Office, have apparently robbed the young Messiah of needed sleep and respite.

As a result, BHO has given up plundering the U.S. Treasury for Lent, and is working 24/7 to convert the Oval Office into a remote sports center studio for ESPN during March Madness, including the Final Four, culminating with the national college basketball championship in Detroit on April 6.

Assuming, that is, that Detroit still exists in April, a dubious assumption unless BHO sends the auto makers another $50 billion or so to tide them over.

As much as he would like to abandon the economic Armageddon that he and his Marxist colleagues in Congress have instigated, BHO knows that the world keeps turning, March Madness or not.

He must continue to function in his official capacity as president, commander-in-chief, and Joe Biden's guardian angel and Depends nanny during these stressful times.

Nonetheless, events continue to close in on the president, leading to more hats and greater responsibilities each and every day.

For instance, after stiffing British Prime Minister Gordon Brown with an outrageous violation of protocol that set U.S.-British relations back at least 240 years, Obama sought to deflect attention from his faux pas by taking on the role of financial advisor to the American people.

As reported by Bloomberg, in part:

"U.S. President Barack Obama said falling share prices may mean bargains for investors with a “long-term perspective.”

“What you’re now seeing is profit and earning ratios are starting to get to the point where buying stocks is a potentially good deal, if you’ve got a long-term perspective on it,” Obama said at the White House."

Obama's words are just what the crippled stock market needs: Another uninformed guess from a know-nothing amateur whose weasel talk is meaningless at best, downright dangerous at worse.

Of course, Obama did offer a few "insider" tips to those alert enough to grasp the moment: He advised investors to sell shares in missile shield manufacturers, and buy shares in the Russian military.

Mind you, leaving America's defenses in the hands of Russia in exchange for that nation's throttling of the evil mullahs of Iran will be a hard sell, even in a Marxist-infested Congress.

Still, BHO says he is working on it--or will, once the NCAA basketball champion for 2009 is crowned!