Prostitutes & Secret Service in Columbia: Another Foreign Policy "Success" for The One?

Satire by John W. Lillpop


In what appears to be a blatantly political move, Barack Obama has reportedly sought to hide a sordid sex scandal involving agents from the Secret Service and prostitutes in Columbia, where The One was ostensibly attending a Meeting of the Americas.

As reported at Yahoo News, in part:

An undisclosed number of Secret Service agents with President Barack Obama at an international summit in Colombia have been relieved of their assignments and face an investigation over alleged misconduct, a spokesman for the Secret Service said late Friday.

The Associated Press, citing an anonymous tip, reported that
the allegations involved prostitutes in Cartagena, the city hosting the gathering. The AP also said 12 agents were involved. The Washington Post cited the president of the Federal Law Enforcement Officers Association, Jon Adler, as saying that the allegations were tied to at least one agent being involved with prostitutes in Cartagena.

Secret Service spokesman Edwin Donovan declined to confirm that the conduct involved prostitutes.

"There have been allegations of misconduct made against Secret Service personnel in Cartagena, Colombia prior to the President's trip.

Because of this, those personnel are being relieved of their assignments, returned to their place of duty, and are being replaced by other Secret Service personnel. The Secret Service takes all allegations of misconduct seriously. This entire matter has been turned over to our Office of Professional Responsibility, which serves as the agency's internal affairs component," Donovan said in a statement sent to Yahoo News by email."

Although press accounts failed to include this vital fact, underground sources allege that the disgraced agents are being replaced by Secret Service staff currently assigned to Republican Mitt Romney.

"There is no need for ‘conspiracy’ theorists to become alarmed," said the unnamed source, adding "These reassignments have been planned for quite a while—all the way back to the release of those silly polls that show Romney beating Obama in November."

Asked to comment on the manner by which the women prostitutes were treated, the source responded, "The president is a firm believer in equal pay for women and he is outraged that Secret Service agents reneged on the pay due these hard-working moms who, in the president’s mind, would really be better off working as ‘Stay at Home’ moms!"

Chalk up another spectacular foreign policy "success" on behalf of The One!