Unreliable and anonymous sources have revealed the details of an unprecedented development in which President Obama has ordered Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano to issue the first “Unlawful Presence Waiver” to----, the president himself!
You read that correctly.
If all goes as planned, Barack Obama will receive Unlawful Presence Waiver (NPW) No. 0001 to aliens unlawfully residing in one of the 57 states. Secretary Napolitano will present the dubious honor to Obama in an impromptu ceremony in the basement of the White House on a date and time not yet announced, and not likely to be.
The proceedings will be closed to the public and no media outlets will have access.
In order to qualify for the UPW, an applicant must have a sponsoring relative living in America. President Obama has elected to list Onyango Obama as his sponsoring relative, even though Onyango is himself an illegal alien who was recently arrested for drunk driving in a case that is ongoing.
According to assistants close to the story, the Secret Service is working on a backup-plan to cover the president should uncle Obama fall off the wagon and be unavailable (in the drunk tank!) to sponsor the president.
Aunt Zeituni, another illegal alien from the Obama family tree, has been mentioned as a possible successor to uncle, although she is said to want six figures (in cash) for helping her wayward nephew out of his latest mess.
Meanwhile, White House officials engaged in Obama’s reelection campaign cautioned against reading too much into the UPW and pointedly refused to concede that the Obama birth certificate is a fraud.
Said a key adviser:
“With the US economy is the early stages of a historic boom and given the numerous foreign policy successes implemented by his administration, the president is confident that his reelection is all but assured.
“However, given the “unprecedented” and zany goings on at the Supreme Court last month, the president is taking this extraordinary step to assure that the bright future he envisions for America is not sabotaged by a gaggle of right-wing, unelected extremists in black robes running wild on a joy ride of Judicial Activism.
The advisor added, “Accepting an unneeded and unnecessary UPW for the good of the nation is the president’s unselfish way of telling the American people, “I’ve got your back covered!”
And so it is in these, the end days of the great American experiment known as freedom and liberty in a democratic republic governed by the rule of law.