Calculating Income Taxes Based On Moral Values

By John W. Lillpop

Over the years, Nancy Pelosi has been a bountiful source for goofy misspeak, nonsensical blathering, gaffes, and just plain stupid remarks.

Space and time limitations make it impossible to recite all of her idiocy in detail; suffice it to say that Pelosi makes Sarah Palin appear intellectually- gifted by comparison.

Approaching her 71st birthday (in 10 days), Pelosi has not slowed down at all when it comes to mind-boggling ideas.

For example, in addressing the budget crisis and spending cuts, Pelosi made it perfectly clear why this nation is $14 trillion dollars in debt, and counting.

She said, “We cut here we cut there to find a middle ground. That may not be enough,” she said, “I think this debate is on a higher ground of our values. It’s not about money. It’s about the morality of what we’re doing.”

Get that? It’s not about money, it’s about morality.

This bizarre Pelosi-ism seemed yet another perfect target for sharp-tongued, late-night comics to use in ridiculing San Francisco’s female clone of Rodney Dangerfield.

Goofy, stupid. Forgettable!

However, I have decided to use Pelosi’s screwball idea as the basis for calculating my income taxes for 2010.

Which led to the following correspondence dispatched to the IRS on March 16:

March 16, 2011

Internal Revenue Service Center
Fresno, Ca 94888

Dear Sir or Madam:

Enclosed please find my Federal Income Tax return and all supporting documents for the tax year ended December 31, 2010.

In preparing this return, I have been guided by the words of Nancy Pelosi, Democratic Minority leader of the U.S. House, who has declared that issues like spending cuts and budgets should be based on morality rather than money.

In accordance with the thinking espoused by Pelosi, I have identified several federal programs that are, in my judgement, immoral and unworthy of my continued support.

Specifically, I have determined that federal programs which provide federal funding for illegal aliens, abortions through Planned Parenthood, as well as all support for National Public Radio and PBS are immoral.

Accordingly, I have adjusted my tax obligations for 2010 to exclude any support for such programs, using generally accepted accounting standards for prorating.

Because the immoral programs identified involve hundreds of billions of dollars, my adjusted tax for 2010 is actually negative, meaning that when you subtract my share of the money spent by the federal government on illegal aliens, abortions, and public radio, IRS actually owes me $25,578.

Kindly deposit $25, 578 in my bank account by April 15, 2011.

Thank you.

John W. Lillpop

Morality not money, you say? Perhaps that is not so goofy after all!