Big Sis Hijacks Virtual Border Fence

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In all of her infinite wisdom and concern for the American people, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has unilaterally decided that the nation does not need the “Virtual Fence” to detect illegal aliens crossing the U.S.-Mexico border.

In a major Victory announcement released to the media today, Big Sis officially scrapped a Bush-era program designed to use radar technology to detect illegal immigrants crossing the U.S.-Mexico border.

Said she, "There is no 'one-size-fits-all' solution to meet our border technology needs, and this new strategy is tailored to the unique needs of each border region."

What the addled Napolitano really meant to say was this:

“With the 2012 elections just weeks away from being on a critical time path, and with Barack’s approval ratings on a trajectory that will make W.’s lowest numbers look awesomely good by comparison, we have concluded that immediate action must be taken to ease the path for millions of “Newly Arrived Refugees” from Mexico and points south.

“As the great Nancy Pelosi once pointed out, it is un-American to prevent even one Latino from entering the United States over concerns for silly documentation and other procedures that unnecessarily stifle the flow of good-hearted, hard working illegals to America.

“Importing a few million Spanish-speaking illegals and getting them registered as Democrats and appropriately goosed up to vote a straight Democrat ticket, is a formidable task, especially given the urgency.

“This challenge is akin to the efforts that we undertook in 2008 what with the ACORN voter fraud efforts and the voter intimidation success enjoyed by the New Black Panther Party in Phiiie.”

“However, because so many racist honkies have fled from The One since 2008, we must redouble our efforts to make the Obama Brand stick for another four years.

“The only way we can save America is by tearing down that dreadful fence in order to welcome any and all Latinos who can say Gracias in Spanish.

“To that end, I have ordered an immediate halt to border fence construction and have further ordered that all materials purchased for that ghastly project to date be used to build a standard 4-bedoom, 2.5 bath, 2000 square foot ranch home with attached garage for each Mexican family that can prove that there in America unlawfully, AND that they have registered with the Democrat Party.”

“This order is final and not subject to appeal, in accordance with applicable statutes that govern the protection and defense of the American people during time of war.”

God Bless Newly Arrived Refugees!

Janet Napolitano
Working 24/7 to Make America Safe for Illegals