Satire by John W. Lillpop
Buoyed by the astounding triumph of anti-W. hysteria over good old-fashioned sanity in Oslo, Norway, a trifecta of liberal intellectuals has launched a campaign to add the face of Barack Obama to that of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln at the Mount Rushmore National Memorial.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and the president himself have pooled their political clout in petitioning those responsible for the General Management Plan at Mount Rushmore to include Obama in future plans.
Details concerning this highly unusual effort are included in a letter forwarded to Mount Rushmore management early Sunday morning, but which is unavailable for review by the public because of national security concerns.
Although homeland security prevented her from divulging all of the exact details of the letter, Speaker Pelosi defended the action with this press announcement:
"Rarely are we blessed with the presence of a leader who is so extraordinarily gifted, inspirational, and humane as our young and vibrant president, Barack Obama.
"His type comes along but once in a lifetime, and we thank God that President Obama was sent at this crucial time in world history to heal the divisions fostered by his most recent predecessor.
"Because our president has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his first eleven days in office, leaders of the progressive movement have concluded that immediate action should be begin to enshrine the face of President Obama alongside the faces of four dead white guys whose names escape me at the moment, at the Mount Rushmore Memorial in South Dakota.
"We understand that some may see this action as premature and partisan. However, let me reassure the American public that Harry Reid, President Obama, and I have gone to extraordinary lengths to be objective, even skeptical, of this proposal when it was first aired.
"While we recognize that the rock at Mount Rushmore is a light-colored granite, we take pride in noting that the Memorial is in the Black Hills of South Dakota, perfect for a nation committed to diversity and inclusion.
"Still, some will ask, "Why now?" "Why so soon into President Obama's term?"
"The answer is that the Obama Nobel Peace Prize covers that invigorating and exciting eleven days known as the Obama Transition in late January and early February of this year.
"We believe that if it is good enough for Oslo, it is damn well good enough for South Dakota.
"In addition, Harry, Obama and I believe that the American public deserves to see this project completed as soon as possible--like before the mid-term elections in thirteen months.
"Dilly dallying must be avoided in this urgent expression of affection for President Obama, so we have added a special funding provision to the Defense Authorization bill to pay for this deserved tribute.
"This project will not add a single penny to the deficit, except in the "out years" starting in fiscal year 2010.
"The total cost is top secret confidential, but we will post those numbers 72 hours after the U.S. Treasury checks to our contractors have cleared.
"We encourage all thinking and compassionate Americans, including Republicans, if any, to join us in celebrating the life and times of Barack Obama!"
