6.11.10

Congressional Newcomers to Obama: Roll Over, Dude!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

In remembrance of President Obama’s infamous whining that Republicans “treat me like a dog,” GOP freshmen, including ladies where appropriate, coming into the 112th Congress have decided, unanimously, to reboot the Obama-Congress relationship.

Get a new start—CHANGE, if you will.

In keeping with this new spirit and in light of the president’s calamitous election results, the newcomers have agreed on a motto that will reflect proper respect for the Obama presidency while preserving the autonomy and independence of the legislative branch.

The new motto—Roll Over, Dude!—is certain to draw criticism, mostly from dog lovers loathe to see canines brought so far down, so quickly.

Still, the motto is a catchy reminder of just who is in charge after Tuesday’s shellacking of liberals, Marxists, socialists, and those resembling liberals, Marxists, socialists, i.e., moon bat Democrats.

For his part, President Obama remained defiant, and unwilling to compromise on any of his core principles just to get along.

Said Obama from the Rose Garden of the White House just before fleeing Washington with most of the U.S. military and a goodly portion of the Treasury in tow on the way to Mumbai:

“Let the message go forth to friends and foes alike: The torch of freedom has been passed to a new breed of Democrat, hardened by war waged by right-wing extremists stuck in the folly of the 18th century, most particularly the decade beginning with 1776.

I refer to simple-minded, gun-toting, Bible-thumping, red state racists who actually believe that arcane documents such as the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution, and Bill of Rights have relevancy in the Age of Enlightenment, also known in sophisticated circles as ObamaMania.

These renegades, enemies worthy of unrelenting punishment, would like nothing better than to water-board yours truly in rancid tea to protest the legitimate and wholly fair transfer of wealth from the talented and overly successful to the untalented and slothful.

Notwithstanding this repugnant abuse of patriotic fervor, let the faithful rest in the knowledge that this president will never--repeat NEVER-- yield to political expediency just to curry favor with the vile and unwashed.

Indeed, we will fight tea party maniacs with every Senate and House seat we can offer, with how ever many billions of worthless dollars it may take, and with all of our spiritual might to prevent the backward slide of our great nation into one blinded by the promises of the antiquated U.S. Constitution as amended by the Bill of Rights.

Should we fail to achieve our objectives in this manner, then, and only then, will this president answer the GOP’s “Roll Over, Dude” order by aggressively demanding, “Where and when?”

May the force be with you, fellow dudes and duds!

And so it is: The new Obama-Congress relationship on display!