Where Is Osama bin Laden?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just what, in the name of all that is good and Holy, has President Obama been doing for nigh unto six bloody months?

Everyone knows that the man has trashed his promise on integrity (ear marks, signing statements, transparency, etc.) and ethics.

Everyone also knows that the president has made a wretched economy even worse by permitting clue less liberals like Nancy Pelosi to pile massive debt onto the backs of American taxpayers, their grandchildren, and their great grandchildren, ad infinitum.

Still, in the interest of being fair, one should consider some of Obama's more notable achievements to date.

Since 12:01 PM, EST, on January 20, 2009, Obama can claim credit for the following highlights from his presidential resume:

* Made headlines with his much ballyhooed plan to close Gitmo and relocate terrorists, and suspected terrorists, in states and cities run and or occupied by Republicans. All will be read their Miranda rights and treated with dignity, which will change nothing if one of these renegades has the chance to slice your throat from ear to bloody ear.

* Enhanced his image with the sleeper cell voting demographic, and other Islamofascist lunatics, by working to improve the lot of middle class terrorists in their epic struggle against infidels, mostly Caucasian Christian Republicans.

*Escorted General Motors to bankruptcy and has plans to do the same to other industries with the outrageous climate bill fiasco.

*Proposed to destroy the most efficient and effective health care system with a government run HMO.

*Promoted child infanticide (abortion) as a means for combating climate change based on new age science which shows, conclusively, that baby poop emits noxious C02 emissions, which can lead to global warming.

*Pissed off America's most loyal and powerful allies, while cavorting with the likes of Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez, long time blood enemies of America.

*While on foreign soil, declared that America is not a Christian nation and apologized for the behavior of former President George W. Bush.

* Converted the White House Cabinet into a halfway house/career center for tax cheats, "pay to play" con artists, and other unemployed Democrats generally considered unemployable.

* Assaulted the "Don't ask, Don't Tell" military policy that discriminates against girlie men, and promised to make the military a "Big Tent" of the sort that would cause Barney Frank's heart rate to soar!

Despite Obama's many achievements, this reporter remains unbowed and will not let up until the "big question" is answered:

Where is Osama bin Laden, Mr. President?