Courting Saturn’s “F” Ring: A Conservative Quest for Lust in Space

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Now that the once-sacred institution of marriage has been redefined as any union, or planned union, between two or more consenting men, women, animals, insects, plants, objects, or any combination thereof, I am now at liberty to expose my deepest dreams and fantasies of the carnal variety for public scrutiny.

Accordingly, it gives me great pleasure to finally announce, at long last, that I have, since early childhood, harbored an overwhelming lust-driven fascination for the “F” ring of the planet Saturn.

The objective of my affection may seem no more than a sexless  mass of dust and ice to stoic skeptics throughout the rest of the universe, but to me she represents the quintessential object of beauty and lust, an orgiastic gift of external delight from the very Heavens!

Owing to the fact that communications with my beloved “F”  is possible only through the Cassini spacecraft operated by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), my marriage proposal is herewith submitted to Charles F. Bolden, Jr., for forwarding to the future Mrs. F. Lillpop.

In addition, a copy of this announcement is forwarded to Governor Jerry “Moon Beam” Brown of California to apprise the flaky governor that a new category of partner (F Ring) must be provided for in California’s revised marriage certificate!

It’s called “Progressive Enlightenment," love!