By John W. Lillpop
With the exception of several million unlucky turkeys and Tiger Woods, most Americans have a reasonable shot at escaping the Thanksgiving holiday unscathed and not all that worse for the experience.
Tiger will probably be OK as well, eventually, although he will need to explain where the hell he was headed at 2:25 in the morning in his spiffy Cadillac Escalade.
Hint: Given your billion dollar fortune, claiming to be in a hurry to beat the crowds at a Black Friday sale simply will not be credible.
Mrs. Woods, also known as Elin Nordegren, will need to explain a few things as well such as how it was that she mistook Tiger’s head for a driving tee in the wee-wee hours. The Florida Highway Patrol needs to explain why Ms. Nordegren was not handcuffed and carted off to jail for her violent assault on the world’s greatest golfer.
Before America moves on to the full-blown Christmas season, there is one remaining piece of business from Thanksgiving that must be seen to: That grotesque turkey known as Climate Change must be killed and disposed of once and for all.
Thanks to the efforts of Dr. Tim Ball, frequent contributor to CFP, and other honorable scientists, the myth of climate change has been exposed for the fraudulent hot air that it really is.
Leftist politicians like Al Gore, Barbara Boxer, and Barack Obama need to be held accountable for their alarmist rants and raves which have unnecessarily panicked millions of folks into passive acceptance of junk science as a New Age cult religion.
The whole sordid mess needs to be investigated with those found guilty subjected to severe punishment.
Al Gore must be ordered to refund the proceeds from his “An Inconvenient Truth” flick and his book sales, and fitted for an EXTRA EXTRA large orange jumpsuit for his retirement while in federal custody.
Barbara Boxer should be appointed Governor of California, a punishment bordering on “cruel and unusual,” given the mess created by liberals there.
And what about Barack Obama? The president should proceed to Copenhagen as planned, but he should add a stop in Oslo, Norway in order to return that flaky Nobel Peace prize.
With 34,000 additional American troops headed to Afghanistan at his behest, Obama’s Nobel Prize is nearly as much a hoax as the Climate Change turkey!
