Baseball Commissioner Selig Transforms National Pastime to Used Car Lot!

By John W. Lillpop

Nobody has ever accused Bud Selig of being a snooty, aloof intellectual elitist. Rather, he is better known as an incompetent boob whose 15 minutes of fame were earned as a shyster on used car lots.

Still, despite Selig’s lack of professional credentials, the future of the once great game of major league baseball was placed in his shaky hands by the Lords of Baseball, also known as the owners, a greedy, disreputable lot if ever there was one.

Selig was a perfect fit for Commissioner because he, too, was an owner AND because the other owners wanted a clown prince who would do exactly as he was ordered, without fretting unnecessarily about the “best interests of the game,” whatever the hell that was.

So, in 1992, major league baseball crawled into the sewer and crowned Bud Selig Commissioner of Baseball.

Twenty-one excruciating years later, Selig has managed to transform the once great “game” of baseball into a scandal- scarred haven for drug abusers and cheaters and has eradicated all integrity from what was once hailed as America’s national pastime.

Under Selig’s bonehead leadership, the all-time homerun record, once the province of immortals like Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, is the property of a convicted felon. Barry Bonds and his 762 home runs are tragic reminders of the awful damage that steroids and lying can do to honorable pursuits of the American dream.

Steroids is Affirmative Action administered via a needle! The idea is to level the playing field by destroying it, of which Commissioner Selig seems quite capable!

Thanks to the confounding ineptitude of Bud Selig, baseball cannot point with pride to the accomplishments of its all time home run leader OR its all-time hits leader, Pete Rose.

For a game that is so dependent on records and history, baseball is noteworthy for being unable to boast about some of its greatest players because of felony convictions and serious allegations about gambling.

Nice going, Bud. Well done for a used-car salesman without a clue!