Barack Obama's Resolutions for 2012

John W. Lillpop

President Obama has had a very rough 2011. To start with, he turned 50 in August and, by the end of the year, he looked and felt 85.

Only Muammar Gaddafi had a worse year, but at least Gaddafi no longer has to worry about broken resolutions, gun scandals or quitting (again) smoking.

Obama, on the other hand, has made his 2012 resolutions public as listed below. Included are the actions he intends to take to meet the resolutions:

* Get U.S. Troops out of Afghanistan.

Action: Order them to invade Pakistan, Uganda, and Australia.

* Avoid impeachment by a hostile Congress.

Action: Order the Marines to take over the U.S. House and Senate mail rooms with orders to destroy all mail that even looks like a subpoena.

* Avoid ridicule during the State of the Union speech.

Action: Tape it in private, send a DVD copy to John Boehner and Harry Reid.

* Terminate All "Hillary for President" talk started by Bill Clinton

Action: Order Hillary to set-up office in Syria, with further orders that she not leave the country for any purpose before November 6.

* Minimize the effectiveness of John Boehner

Action: When signing the Defense Appropriations bill, attach a Signing Statement to revoke Ohio's statehood, thereby making the Bone Head ineligible to serve in Congress.

* Ease Concerns about border security:

Action: Move southern border to Nicaragua

* Fix illegal immigration crisis.

Action: Pardon all 20 million illegal aliens now in America in time to register them as Democrats for the big election.

* End partisan battles with Republicans

Action: Use ACORN operatives to get as many illegal aliens, felons, and dead Dems to the polls in order to retain the Senate and retake the U.S. House,

and the Number 1 Resolution:

* Play More Basketball!

Good luck, President Obama!