Practical Ideas for Solving America’s Gas Crisis

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Americans waiting on Congressional Democrats and Barack Obama to address the gasoline crisis with practical ideas would be better off investing in walking shoes, bicycles, skateboards, and other means for moving about without reliance on combustion engines.

This is not an accident! Remember, Barack Obama is the Dithering Pied Piper of the Unworkable Alternative Energy cult and his mission is to lead the American people over the cliff into third-world purgatory for eternity. A Mexico without cars, if you will.

Thus far, this is the only item on the Obama agenda which is succeeding, mostly due to out-of-touch Twinkies like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and more than 60 other Marxists in Congress, knot heads involuntarily retired by the people last November.

Time to fact facts, patriots. If America is to survive as a world power and economic leader, innovative ideas will have to gleaned from conservative thinkers and rammed down the throats of so-called progressives.

There are a number of intriguing solutions which, if the political cajoles are there, can lead America back to the promised land of $2.20 a gallon gasoline, freeways clogged with Hummers and gas-hungry SUVs, and permanent expunging of “electric car” from the patriot dictionary.

A partial list of practical solutions follows:


History will surely confirm that former President G.W. Bush was no brighter than a low-grade ball of wind-blown Texas tumbleweed. Still, even W. understood that skyrocketing gas prices could do more damage to one’s poll numbers than any other issue, including ground troops in harm’s way to fight a completely unjustified and unnecessary war 10,000 miles from home.

It was this political insight that caused W. to invade Iraq in 2003.

President Obama would do well to follow W’s lead by re-invading Baghdad until the price at the pump drops to pre-Obama levels.

As W. learned, Blood for Oil is immoral, indecent, despicable, and loathsome—but it damn well works!

Furthermore, remember that W. was elected to a second term after invading Iraq!


After more than two years of the Obama presidency, large numbers of Americans now realize that the “American Dream” is on a par with Santa Claus and the tooth fairy in terms of believability.

Simply put, the people finally understand that owning a three-bedroom, 2.5 bath ranch style home with detached garage is not within reach of millions of average Americans.

The same holds true for those shiny new SUVs of the sort that grace the Obama presidential fleet.

All of which means that our nation must devise a means for doling out gasoline, our most valuable commodity.

Rationing in a fair and equitable manner is far too time-consuming and tedious. Much better to dole out the unleaded booty based on an income “means test” that rewards those who contribute to society rather than take, take, take.

For example, poor people simply do not need nor deserve as much petroleum as the upper and working classes. Other than short trips to welfare and food stamp centers or local liquor stores, poor people have no earthly reason for clogging the freeways and roadways while wasting precious gasoline.

A practical approach would be to borrow the concept of “Red Lining” from the mortgage industry which at one time refused to lend in certain communities based on vital statistics. Note, please, that leftist moon bats ended the practice of Red Lining and, in doing so, produced the Obama economic depression that still haunts our nation.

A modified version of petroleum red lining could be quickly implemented by prohibiting the delivery of gasoline to designated zip codes.

After all, if Obama can solve the health care crisis by rationing, why not do something similar for gasoline?


As gasoline approaches $5.00 a gallon in the middle of a recession, it is encouraging to note that Barack Obama is finally considering drilling as a means for leveling the demand-supply equation.

Drill baby, drill, drill! seems to be more acceptable to the man who positively hates automobiles—except for his fleet of SUVs, that is.

While Obama deserves kudos for being open-minded about new oil exploration, his change of heart would be far more impressive if he had seen the light about drilling in Alaska and other American sites!

Sorry, Barack, but drilling in Brazil just does not pass the smell test for U.S. energy independence!

There you have it. Several practical, down-to-earth ideas that could free America from the gasoline quagmire created and nurtured by the Democrat Party and Barack Obama.

America must solve the problem of Obama in the White House and Democrats in Congress in order to have any hope for energy independence.

Oops! This Breaking News headline just in from polling experts: For every 20 cent increase in the price of a gallon of gasoline, Barack Obama’s approval rating drops two points.

Let’s not be too hasty, patriots. Perhaps we can just “Get used to it” ($5 a gallon gas) in order to bring about urgently –needed Regime Change in Washington, D.C. next year?