North Korea to Fire Missile Toward Hawaii: Obama Strategery?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Breaking news from the never-ending soap opera that is Kim Young Il versus President Barack Obama in the most dangerous one- on- one reality show in the world.

As reported, in part, at Myway.com:

"Korea may fire a long-range ballistic missile toward Hawaii in early July, a Japanese news report said Thursday, as Russia and China urged the regime to return to international disarmament talks on its rogue nuclear program.

"The missile, believed to be a Taepodong-2 with a range of up to 4,000 miles (6,500 kilometers), would be launched from North Korea's Dongchang-ni site on the northwestern coast, said the Yomiuri daily, Japan's top-selling newspaper. It cited an analysis by the Japanese Defense Ministry and intelligence gathered by U.S. reconnaissance satellites.

"The missile launch could come between July 4 and 8, the paper said."

President Obama is said to be monitoring the situation "very closely" and is outraged that George W. Bush left such an awful mess behind.

Reports indicate that the president has taken the unprecedented step of adding the cell phone number of UN General secretary-general Ban Ki-moon to his speed dial directory on his Blackberry, a sure sign that the administration is taking this threat very seriously indeed.

President Obama also issued a press release minutes ago to reassure the American people, especially his Hawaiian buds on Oahu.

That press release in its entirety:

"I have just reviewed reports from our intelligence community which suggest that Kim Young Il is planning to fire a long range missile toward Hawaii sometime in early July.

"I would like to make it abundantly clear that this is seen as a hostile act on the part of Kim Young Il and will not be tolerated.

"As I say, I would like to, but that would be meddling in another nation's affairs. As we know from the failed policies of the past eight years, meddling simply does not work.

"Consequently, I will NOT say that firing a long range missile toward Hawaii is a hostile act.

"Besides, North Korea has a right to nuclear power, along with Iran, Cuba, Venezuela, Syria, and the Palestinian people.

"America has consistently hogged not only the world's petroleum but the nuclear option as well. This is wrong and I apologize to the world for American arrogance and greed.

"The time for CHANGE is now--America must not continue as the evil empire that denies people of color their right to Plutonium and other toxic elements.

"Therefore, I will send legislation to Congress this day seeking authorization to open America's nuclear arsenal to a "People of color only" auction festival on the lawn on the White House.

"Fresh vegetables will be sold by my lovely wife Michelle on a first-come-first served basis. All sales final, yuan only. Dollars will not be accepted."

"I hope that the American people will see this as an aggressive and responsible attempt to deal with deficits inherited from the last administration.

"As for the incorrigible Kim Young Il, let me say this: I was not planning to spend the 4th of July in Hawaii anyway. So there!"

And so it goes. Another smashing diplomatic victory for the humble man from the streets of Chicago!

We the People Need a Tyranny Czar

By John W. Lillpop

America's grand experiment in democratic self-governance is under assault as never before in our nation's nearly 233-year history.

Consider the following:

America's system of checks and balances, designed to safeguard against tyranny, is in shambles.

Thus, our tyrannical president, committed to replacing free and private enterprise with government run socialism, is able to do so, virtually at will.

That same tyrannical president is able to downgrade national defense, drive the nation to the cusp of financial ruin, and trash the best health care system in the world in favor of a government run HMO, again virtually unchallenged.

Our tyrannical president is able to use tax laws as a tool for punishing the successful in order to reward the mediocre.

He is able to bow before foreign kings, denounce America and her leaders while on foreign soil, and apologize for American superiority as though it were a curse rather than a blessing.

He is able to ignore the dangers of open borders and to thumb his nose at the rule of law when it comes to millions of illegal aliens and their pilfering of public services.

He is able to thwart all checks and balances by appointing Czars of this, that, and the other, responsible to no one but our tyrannical president himself.

Simply put, there is no oversight of government in America these days.

None.

Of course, oversight is the very last thing on the minds of Democrats like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid whom share the president's radical agenda and have majorities in both chambers of Congress.

We the People used to rely on a free and robust press to keep an eye on government and alert us to tyranny whenever it reared its ugly head.

Unfortunately, today's mainstream media worship the liberal president as if he were a New Age Messiah and they solidly support his willing co-conspirators in Congress.

So-called objective journalists at ABC have even decided to move into the White House itself, in order to promote our tyrannical president's Marxist scheme for health care.

Imagine the horror if conservative "news" had been broadcast from the Blue Room during the Nixon Watergate scandal?

All in all, We the People, in our haste and fear, have chosen tyranny over freedom.

If only there were a Tyranny Czar to represent the American people!

Why Not Test Drive Obamacare Before Trashing the Best?

By John W. Lillpop

Pity poor President Obama. So much CHANGE to deliver, but so few trillions of dollars of taxpayer money to work with.

So many special interests to satisfy, so many campaign debts and unrealistic promises coming due all at once.

Obama's latest fiasco is a $1.6 trillion dollar Marxist scheme to "spread the wealth" when it comes to health care.

If enacted, Obamacare will dump the greatest health care system on the planet and replace it with a government run HMO.

From the best to the worst, for only $1.6 trillion dollars! Such a deal!

Still, America's 12-40 million illegal aliens would be covered and that should earn the Anointed One and Democrats a few million illegal votes at the next election.

The most amusing aspect of Obamacare is in the math. How in Hades can you cover 46 million previously uninsured people and reduce costs?

Answer: The same way you create jobs by wasting $1 trillion on a "stimulus" pork bill--with exaggeration and out right lies!

But perhaps Obamacare is getting a bad rap from those of us too anxious to find fault with this president.

Perhaps we should compromise and agree to a test drive to provide an objective assessment of Obamacare?

Here is how it would work: Implement the president's health care program on a provisional basis.

That is, force all federal employees including the president and his family, his cabinet, all members of Congress and their staffs, and members of the US Supreme Court to meet all of their medical needs with Obamacare for the next 18 months.

Make it mandatory that all health care services, even to the president's young daughters, be secured from Obamacare.

After 18 months, let us look at the results and see if Obamacare really works.

If it does work, then what is good enough for the liberal elite should be good enough for the unwashed masses!

If it does not work, chalk it up to another failed idea from a community organizer way in over his head!

How President Obama Can Overcome Deficit Sleep Disorder

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just when you thought that Barack Obama was an isolated elitist who could care less about the mushrooming federal debt and other matters driving most Americans nuts, the Anointed One reveals that he too loses sleep over the mess he has created.

As reported, in part, at the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/16/AR2009061602610_pf.html

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama said on Tuesday that worrying about the U.S. government's finances "keeps me awake at night" and the country needed to start planning now to tackle soaring deficits."

Even the most critical conservative will agree that our young president deserves to get his "8" each and every day.

After all, sleep is a fundamental human right, along with the right to broad band access to the Internet, the right to abortion, and the right to marry whomever or whatever one wants.

Thus, in the humanitarian spirit of helping, the ideas below are presented, free of charge, for President Obama's consideration:


Read a Book

Reading a dull and unfathomable book just before going to bed is guaranteed to hasten the arrival of the sleep fairy. Economics 101 would work, provided you skip those chapters that identify your policies as the antithesis to economic growth and prosperity.

Count to Ten Trillion

Counting sheep used to be a great way to drift off into slumber. However, you would be better served by counting backwards from ten trillion.

Caution: Do not focus on the fact that $10 trillion is your contribution to the national debt in just five months.

Try Prayer

A humbling surrender to a higher power just before turning in could work wonders, sir. Admitting that there IS a higher power would be required, but if you can deal with Michelle you can handle being Second Fiddle to God.

Try praying to the Christian God whilst on your knees and expect a miracle!

Change Social Network

Hanging with the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, and Tim Geithner would play hell with anyone's peaceful sleep.

A more responsible support group consisting of folks who actually pay their taxes and spend within their means could make 40 winks a lead pipe cinch!

Try inviting Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck up for a midnight snack and chat and watch your sleep life improve almost instantly.

Give Up Meddling

With all due respect, sir, you are like Karl Marx on steroids!

Too much on your plate at any one time can aggravate the soul, stomach, and lead to insomnia.

If I may be so bold, let me recommend that you lessen your load by putting some of the non-urgent issues on the back burner.

My recommendation is that you simply forget the Sotomayor nomination, heath care reform, amnesty for illegal aliens, closure of GITMO, repeal of "Don't ask, Don't tell," outreach to Islam, military cuts, gay rights, and other upsetting issues.

Let the new Congress in 2011 deal with these matters.

As an added bonus, the Republicans will most probably control both houses of Congress after the 2010 mid-term elections, and you can always blame them for obstructing your idealist remaking of America.

Develop New Interests and Hobbies

Former President George W. Bush left office looking young and vigorous despite his single digit approval numbers.

Why not take advantage of some of W.'s techniques for relaxing and unwinding?

You know, invade a foreign nation without provocation, or bomb Iran and or North Korea?

The point is, you deserve special treatment and a little shock and awe would get your mind off those ugly deficit numbers!


Last but not least, Mr. President:

Resist the temptation to grab another trillion dollars of taxpayer money to fund a study to determine the source of sleep disorders among US presidents!

Follow these steps and you will sleep like a baby!

Late Night Poser Succumbs to Palin Power!

By John W. Lillpop

Viva Sarah Palin!

That is the cry echoing about the land these days as the much-maligned, but beautiful and intelligent, Governor Palin of Alaska has taught leftist wit David Letterman a badly needed lesson in politeness and power politics.

'Twas just over a week ago that Letterman decided to take out his frustration at being second best (to Conan O'Brien) on the voluptuous young governor and her 14-year old daughter with remarks so sinister and inappropriate that even liberal feminists at NOW sided with the Republican governor and consigned Letterman to the Media Hall of Shame.

Avid Letterman devotees, mostly weak minded liberal women, continued to support the faltering host by claiming that the jokes were "funny" and that nobody gives a tinker's damn about Sarah Palin anyhow,

OOPS! Not so fast.

As it turns out, Governor Sarah Palin is highly regarded and loved by tens of millions of fair minded, civil Americans. Those millions were peeved by Letterman's pornographic insinuation that likened Palin's young daughter Willow to a prostitute, one so desperate that she might even cavort with scumbag Eliot Spitzer, heir apparent to Bill Clinton's legacy of perversion in high office.

As reported at Reuters, Letterman finally got the message that his joke was NOT funny and was, in fact, totally repulsive.

The over the hill DJ finally saw the light and came crawling with his tail between his legs as follows:

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE55F0E320090616

"David Letterman apologized on Monday for making a sexually charged joke about one of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's teenage daughters, as a group of Palin supporters planned a rally demanding the late-night TV show host be fired.

"I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception" of the joke by viewers, he said during Monday's taping of "Late Night with David Letterman," according to a transcript given to Reuters.

"And since it was a joke I told, I feel that I need to do the right thing here and apologize for having told that joke," he said. "It's not your fault that it was misunderstood, it's my fault."

"Last Tuesday, Letterman joked that New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez had "knocked up" the former vice-presidential nominee's daughter during a family trip to a baseball game.
But the daughter in question was 14-year-old Willow, not the intended target, 18-year-old unwed mother Bristol. Letterman said the following night that he was confused between the two and would never make sexual jokes about a 14-year-old.

"Despite his explanation, Palin has charged that Letterman made "sexually perverted" comments.

"In the transcript from Monday's show, Letterman also said he was sorry to Palin and both her daughters.

"I would like to apologize especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I'm sorry about it and I'll try to do better in the future," he said.

"The apologies came as a group of Palin supporters, calling themselves FireDavidLetterman.com, planned a Tuesday protest outside the show's studio at the Ed Sullivan theater in New York's Times Square."

For her part, Governor Palin, ever the gracious and noble lady, accepted the apology and said it was accepted "on behalf of all young women, like my daughters, who hope men who `joke' about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve."

That Governor Palin sure has class! Seems to me that she would be an excellent choice for President of these United States!