Scandal and Incompetence Occupy GOP Candidate Pool!

By John W. Lillpop

What in the hell is happening to the Republican men and women who once seemed so attractive in the race to replace Barack Hussein Obama with a freedom-loving American citizen?

In stunned silence, we on the right have stood by as heroes and heroines of our cause have walked off the plank of presidential candidacy into the dark, cold sea of political obscurity.

First it was conservative favorite Tom Pawlenty who decided that he did not have the wherewithal to fight the good fight any longer, which led the charisma-challenged former Governor to withdraw his candidacy.

Many were disappointed when Pawlenty bailed, yet back then the problem seemed to be an overcrowded field, rather than the opposite.

Besides the announced candidates, the rumor mill was ripe with speculation about the likes of Rudy Giuliani, Chris Christie, Sarah Palin, Marco Rubio, and lord knows how many others, all waiting in the wings to be drafted into service by conservatives ravenous for a reincarnation of Ronald Reagan to deal with Barack Obama as Reagan had with Jimmy Carter 30 years ago.

Alas, one by one, those magnificent would-be presidents came forward and tried on the Golden Slipper.

And one by one, each discovered that the slipper simply did not fit, for one reason or another, although in the case of Governor Christie, his foot was just too damn fat!

Still, the field included such stars and budding stars as Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, John Huntsman, and newcomer Rick Perry.

Oh, and we must not forget a fellow named Herman Cain.

With that roster of firepower and talent, there was no need to fret about finding a suitable candidate, right?

Then the Rick Perry shoe dropped, even before the infamous “pause.” Shortly thereafter, Herman Cain started to make negative headlines with sexual accusations coming from former female associates, rather economists challenging “999.”

To make matters worse, Cain seemed confused about whether or not China has nuclear weapons and did a fantastic impression of the “Perry Pause” when discussing Libya, said pause being quite entertaining, but hardly presidential.

The bright light of hope continued moved to the personage of Newt Gingrich who despite some disturbing personal history, seemed formidable.

In fact, Newt seemed very formidable what with his keen intelligence and expertise as leader of the now defunct “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” that drove Hillary Clinton to distraction 20 years ago. In short order, the former Speaker catapulted into the lead over Mitt Romney.

All looked swell until it was announced that Newt took over a million dollars from Freddie Mac after leaving office.

Freddie Mac for gosh sake, that gaggle of leftist moon bats who have all but destroyed the American Dream for millions of responsible Americans in order to reach out and “include” people who simply do not have the income, credit worthiness, employment history, or assets to qualify for home ownership!

Freddie Mac, that shadowy, suspicious institution, which along with Fannie Mae lost an additional $13 billion dollars of taxpayer money in 2011, for which several executives were rewarded with million dollar bonuses.

Egad, Newt, say it ain’t so!

Newt did try to explain his cavorting with Freddie by saying he served as a “historian” for a cool $1.2 million dollars.

For the record, Freddie declared that Newt was more of a “consultant.”

Either way, Newt, your credibility is shot. Who in the hell is going to trust you to smite big government now that we know that you actually spent time in bed (figuratively) with these charlatans?

And, lest we forget, earlier this year Gingrich blasted Paul Ryan’s “Path to Prosperity” with this tirade on Meet the Press:

I don’t think right-wing social engineering is any more desirable than left-wing social engineering. I don’t think imposing radical change from the right or the left is a very good way for a free society to operate… I’m against Obamacare, which is imposing radical change, and I would be against a conservative imposing radical change.

Unbelievable: A bloke living high on the public dole by working for Freddie Mac has the audacity to call the conservative blueprint for saving America “Right wing social Engineering.” Some gall that!

Still, remember fellow conservatives, Mitt Romney is a very strong candidate—excepting for his love affair with socialized medicine and gay marriage, and a sorry tendency to flop when he should flip.

What the hell is going on with my GOP?