Hey, GOP, Stop Lacerating Already!

By John W. Lillpop

Self-mutilation is never a pretty sight, unless it involves a whacked-out liberal offing his or her self, “for the children.”

Even then, although the net effect may be overall positive, the individual acts may be unseemly, and not suitable for consumption by family audiences.

Which brings to mind the decimation of the conservative movement by guys and gals who once seemed formidable in their individual quests to replace Barack Hussein Obama.

Silently we on the right have stood by as heroes and heroines of our cause have walked off the plank of presidential candidacy into the dark, cold sea of obscurity.

First it was conservative favorite Tom Pawlenty who decided that he did have the wherewithal to fight the good fight any longer, which led the former Governor from Minnesota to retrieve his hat from the ring.

Disappointed, we were back then, still the problem seemed to be one of an overcrowded field, rather than the opposite.

Besides the announced candidates, the aisles were still cluttered with the likes of Rudy Giuliani, Chris Christie, Sarah Palin, Marc Rubio, Rick Perry and lord knows how many others, all waiting to be begged to serve by an adoring electorate hungry for the reincarnation of a Republican with Ronald Reagan’s good looks and conservative rigidity.

One by one, those magnificent would-be presidents came forward and tried on the Golden Slipper.

And one by one, each discovered that the slipper simply did not fit, for one reason or another, although in the case of Governor Christie, his foot was just too damn fat!

Thus, emerged the pattern whereby a GOP hopeful bowed out graciously and expressed appreciation for support received, but then announced that he/she would NOT be a candidate for the U.S. Presidency, or what may be left of same at the end of four dreadful years of neglect and malfeasance at the hands of Barack Obama.

With each bowing out, one grew more wary of the declining number of candidates.

Still, the field included such stalwarts as Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, John Huntsman, and newcomer Rick Perry.

And a fellow named Herman Cain.

With that roster of available talent, there was no need to fret about a suitable candidate, right?

Then the Rick Perry shoe dropped, even before the infamous “pause.” Shortly thereafter, Herman Cain started to make headlines with sexual accusations from former female associates, rather than “999.”

To make matters worse, Cain seemed confused about whether or not China has nuclear weapons and did a fantastic impression of the “Perry Pause” which was entertaining, but hardly presidential.

The bright light of hope continued to shine brilliantly around the personage of Newt Gingrich, a real conservative, who despite some disturbing personal history, seemed formidable.

Until today, when it was announced that Newt took over a million dollars from Freddie Mac.

Freddie “Freaking” Mac for gosh sake, that gaggle of leftist moon bats who have all but destroyed the American Dream for millions of Americans who live responsibly, just to “include” people who simply cannot afford home ownership!

Said moon bats declaring the loss of billions more of taxpayer money in 2011 and to whom millions were paid in bonuses for “good” performance!

Egad, Newt. Say it ain’t so—say you never fell for the pap from Freddie or Fannie!

Still, Mitt Romney is a very strong candidate—except for his love affair with socialized medicine and gay marriage, and a sorry tendency to flop when he should flip.

What the hell is going on GOP?

Stop lacerating already!