Open Letter to Rip-off Credit Bank

Satire by John W. Lillpop


Open Letter to Rip-off Credit Bank


May 2, 2009

Rip-off Credit Bank
Bail Out, Washington D.C.

Reference: Account 000-000-0000

Dear Gentleman or Gentlelady:

I am in receipt of your May 1 correspondence in which you advised that my credit limit has been substantially reduced, the interest rate on the unpaid balance has been doubled, and exorbitant new penalties and fees added to the terms.

Your correspondence arrived at about the same time as the government released the "stress test" results for banks that received hundreds of billions of dollars in "bail out" from We the People.

To be perfectly frank, when it comes to solvency and credit worthiness, Rip-off Credit Bank appears to be far less credible and stable than this ordinary American taxpayer.

Of course, I have been unable to convince Tim Geithner and his pals at the U.S. Treasury to advance me even one billion dollars in bail out.

By the way, wasn't Geithner an employee of Rip-off Credit Bank until he left with a cleverly disguised golden parachute worth millions? Wonder if he paid taxes on that?

Back to the subject at hand.

In light of the poor performance by Rip-off Credit Bank during the Stress Test, I have concluded that I can no longer trust your institution to meet my business and personal needs for liquid credit.

Accordingly, I hereby officially notify Rip-off Credit Bank that I am canceling my account in full, effective immediately.

As to the unpaid balance of $17,890.29, you are directed to take that amount of money from the "bail out" funds which you have received from Treasury.

To help expedite this process, I have included Treasury Secretary Geithner on distribution for this memo, and hereby authorize him to designate $17,890.29 of the next bail out check as "Only for retirement of Account 000-000-0000. "

It has been a pleasure doing business with Rip-off Credit Bank, and I wish you all the best in saving your corporation from bankruptcy or, even worse, nationalization.

Regards,
John Lillpop
San Jose, Ca



CC: Timothy Geithner, US Treasury

Mexicans Retaliate with Anti-Chinese Racism

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Proving that two-legged swine are nearly as lethal as their four legged brethren in third-world Mexico, the Mexican government on Saturday advised its citizens not to travel to China.


As reported in a very succinct Reuters news alert:

"MEXICO CITY, May 2 (Reuters) - Mexico's government recommended on Saturday that its citizens not travel to China after the Chinese authorities imposed a quarantine on a Hong Kong hotel when a Mexican guest fell ill with the new flu virus. (Mexico newsroom: +52 55 5282 7147)"

This announcement immediately raises three urgent questions:

1. What did China do to earn this special treatment from Mexico?

2. How can the U.S. get on Mexico's "do not go there" list? and

3. Can the effective date be made retroactive to cover the 12-40 million illegal aliens now squatting in our great nation?


Being on that list could save American taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars a year, preserve our culture, boost homeland security and ease overcrowded school rooms.

It could also reduce the Democrat party to permanent minority status and force people like Nancy Pelosi and Janet Napolitano to get honest jobs!

Will Obama "Pull a W." With Supreme Court Nomination?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Although Former President George W. Bush is often praised for placing John Roberts and Sam Alito on the U.S. Supreme Court, W.'s record on court nominees is not without blemish.

Remember, it was none other than W. who sent the body politic, at least the right side thereof, into epileptic seizure when he nominated Harriet Miers to serve as an Associate Justice of the SCOTUS.

Miers was a very good friend of the Bush family and a former queen of the Texas lottery, both excellent qualifications for one willing to gamble with America's future, but not quite enough for some snooty conservatives.

If the past 100 days are any indication, W.'s nomination of Miers will end up looking like sheer genius when compared to Obama's choice to replace David Souter.

Consider the following sign which is now posted in the main window of the Oval Office:

Help Wanted!

Street savvy victim of racism and bigotry needed for lifetime, guaranteed government job in Washington, D.C.

Pro-choice people of color atheists with bilingual skills, clean IRS record, and ACORN experience encouraged to apply.

Background in Constitutional law not mandatory, but will be considered a plus. Must be willing to oppose powerful white male co-workers on a daily basis in collaboration with a tired old Jewish lady on her last legs.

Bring your genealogical history printout showing a pattern of slavery and or racial discrimination against you or your ancestors to the front door. Ask for BHO.

White males need not apply.

Confidential sources (Republican moles) within the administration say the White House has already received more than 1,000 applications and has started a "short list" which, so far, includes the following luminaries:

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-California)

Angela Davis, former College professor

Sonia Sotomayor, a front runner because she is a woman and Hispanic, AKA, a "two-fur."

Asked to comment on Obama's racist and sexist screening criteria, a high-level administration source replied that the president has vowed to be very thoughtful and careful in selecting the female minority he ultimately nominates!

Outbreak of Common Sense in NYC: Swine Flu Shuts Down Cinco De Mayo!

By John W. Lillpop

Contradicting its well deserved reputation as a liberal-infested metropolis that always chooses political correctness over that which is logical and appropriate, organizers of the annual Cinco De Mayo festival in New York City have decided to do the right thing by postponing the disruptive, costly, and potentially dangerous events scheduled for next Tuesday.

As reported, in part, at wcbstv.com, this Cinco De Mayo will be just another all-American May the 5th.

http://wcbstv.com/health/swine.flu.hospitals.2.999369.html

"Though the city is urging everyone to maintain their normal routine, stressing there's no reason to avoid travel to New York City, organizers for the Cinco de Mayo festival in Queens have decided to postpone this weekend's event.

"About 850,000 were expected to attend the festival at Flushing Meadows Park. It's not far from St. Francis Prep, the local epicenter of the swine flu outbreak, and also PS 177 in Flushing, where there are several suspected cases.

"While all the entertainment is coming from within the U.S., organizer Carmelo Maceda said: "We cannot control the crowd. We don't know how many people fly in from Mexico or they just went to Mexico. That's why we don't want to take that risk."

"City officials said they did not recommend the festival cancel their festivities, but Maceda said they couldn't afford to take a chance.

"We start thinking if something happened in the park as a Mexican community we don't have the power or the money to control a contamination of thousands of thousands of people," Maceda said."

Hooray for a smidgen of common sense from NYC!

Any chance you folks could share some of that rare commodity with Democrats in the White House and on Capitol Hill?

Joe Biden's Harrowing Skirmish with Transparency!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Anyone who has been paying the least bit of attention over the past 100 days knows full well that Joe Biden is not exactly the poster boy for Mensa.

In fact, the VP appears addicted to the taste of his own toenails, which explains why he is constantly stuffing one of his feet into his mouth.

However, nobody in his or her right mind would have imagined that Joe Biden was actually silly enough to fall for the transparently false nonsense that Barack Obama has dished out regarding transparency.

Only a fool would believe that, or any part thereof--say it ain't so, Joe!

Whatever degree of gullibility that Biden was nursing on openness was trampled by the Obama Transparency police when Biden crossed over the line by doing the unthinkable:

He told the truth about the swine flu crisis.

While President Obama and Janet Napolitano were demanding that everyone remain calm and not fall into alarm mode over a few swine flu cases, Biden advised against flying in airplanes, riding subways, and other common modes of moving about.

In other words, Biden urged a common sense approach to a deadly disease: Get ALARMED!

By delivering that message on NBC's Today Show, Biden caused real alarm at the White House. Transparency is one thing they said, but transparency mixed with truth is as lethal as--well, a pandemic of swine flu.

By the end of the day, Biden had been water boarded 138 times in the basement of the White House and had taken an oath, in blood, to NEVER again delve into the shark infested waters of transparency without prior written approval from the president himself!