What Up With Your Birth Certificate, Mr. Transparency?

Satire by John Lillpop

For a fellow who claims to have invented the concept of transparency in American politics and government, Barack Obama's behavior is most peculiar, especially when it comes to his birth certificate.

Obama claims that he was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961, has released his birth certificate, and that the matter is closed.

Furthermore, when asked about the controversy during a recent news briefing, White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs broke down into hysterical laughter and answered by saying, "We won!"

Thanks for that professional insight, Mr. Gibbs. Campaigning to be Obama's Transparency Czar are you?

Although Barack Obama's eligibility was challenged in filings with the SCOTUS (not accepted for review), the issue has been mostly a sidebar concern given the terrible state of the economy and volatile world crises and near crises.

However, the pursuit for truth has led Joseph Farah at World Net Daily and other patriots to keep the issue alive.

As they say in sports, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings!" and in the case of Barack Obama's birth certificate, the fat lady weighs about 45 pounds and is just starting singing lessons.

Which means this issue is not going away just because some hillbilly press secretary says so.

Know this Mr. Gibbs: Winning an election does not render the US Constitution null and void. Just like the white dudes who preceded him, Obama is bound by the laws that form the basis for our great nation.

Remember this as well: Obama was elected president, not Messiah, King, World Citizen, Muslim Appeaser, or Apologist-in-chief.

Of course, it may turn out that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, and that the issue is simply overblown hyperbole crafted by right wing extremists to keep Obama from converting a free market democracy into a socialist-fascist nanny state in less than six months.

Possible explanations for Obama's birth certificate phobia include:


* His birth certificate is in Arabic, rather than Hawaiian, and includes the phrase "New Born Warrior for Allah";

* Because of a queasy stomach at birth, Obama's nickname was recorded as CHANGE, referring to the non-stop regiment of diaper duties dumped on hospital nurses.

The term also became the motto of his presidential campaign years later, but now it is We the People who are stuck with cleaning up after the One.

* Obama's birth certificate lists his mother as a virgin and his birth as a contemporary miracle of Pele, the Hawaiian Goddess of Volcanoes and other hot air.

* His birth certificate describes Obama as clean and articulate, probably a gift from Pele to the only black dude born in Honolulu that month.

My own personal opinion is that Obama was born in a Mosque in Tikrit, Iraq, also the birth place of the deposed and very dead Saddam Hussein, who until now was the most famous Tikiter ever born.

Obama's middle name (Hussein) reflects the Obama family reverence for the former Baghdad butcher.

Bottom Line: In my view, Obama owes We the People a full and complete explanation of his birth, including release of a certifiable birth certificate!

He needs to answer the question: What Up With Your Birth Certificate, Mr. Transparency President?




jwl

Paying State Payroll Taxes With IOUs

Satire by John W. Lillpop

By now, the entire world has heard that California can no longer pay its bills. The amount of money going out exceeds the amount coming in. Real simple arithmetic is in play here when you think about it.

Except, this is California, you see. Not only do the basic laws of nature not apply here, but the fundamentals of finance and common sense have gone missing as well.

To the outsider, California's dilemma is paradoxical.

After all, this is home to Silicon Valley and high technology. Geniuses are everywhere, and the state is renowned for being on the cutting edge on all issues from sex to science.

Brilliance abounds, EXCEPT in state government because California is cursed with a gaggle of extreme tax and spend liberals in the State Assembly.

An example of outrageous liberal recklessness is described by writer Jon Coupal, president of the Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association and a tireless leader in the never-ending battle to contain liberal spending.

Coupal writes, in part, at Californiarepublic.com:

http://californiarepublic.org/?p=1001


"Sacramento is now filled with a new crop of cash-eating locusts and they are no better than their predecessors. They show no remorse or regret for their failure to rein in spending and no sympathy for the taxpayer ants who themselves are struggling to get by and are wondering if they will make it through the winter of our declining economy.

"To add insult to injury, the grasshopper chorus now sings a new song, led by Assemblywoman Noreen Evans. She revealed the lyrics a few days ago before a conference committee on the budget. “This mantra out there ‘live within our means,’ while it sounds really nice, while it sounds really simple and it sounds really responsible, it’s meaningless,” she intoned.

"Evans’ statement is breathtaking for its arrogance. For California families and businesses, the idea that one has to “live within their means” is a common sense notion and those who do not follow it find themselves in bankruptcy. Evans admission demonstrates yet again how disconnected our liberal political leadership is from ordinary citizens. Taxpayers can’t help but wonder, if this is how Evans views our state fiscal crisis, will her next chart-topper be, “Let Them Eat Cake?”

"The logically challenged Evans justifies calls for new revenue by saying that it is for the “needy.” However, if the Santa Rosa Democrat is so concerned about the least amongst us, why did she and most of her colleagues approve the February tax package that includes new sales taxes, higher car taxes and a $200 cut in the tax deduction for dependent children? These taxes fall disproportionately hard on low and middle income Californians. And why did these same tax-and-spend lawmakers, who use children and the poor as human shields to defend raising taxes, approve Proposition 1A for the May Special Election ballot that would have perpetuated these highly regressive taxes for an additional two years?"

So again, just why is California bankrupt? Because of dim wit Democrats like Assemblywoman Noreen Evans.

If your teenager continued to overdraw her checking account, funded solely by you, how would you handle the matter?

A. Close the account and burn the unused checks and ATM cards, or

B. Continue to increase the young woman's allowance and cover all those inevitable "insufficient funds" fees.

Which would it be?

Democrats in Sacramento are solidly behind Option B, with Noreen Evans the best example of fuzzy headed thinking.

Small business owners hit hard by the recession need to form an alliance and take action to end this stupidity.

My suggestion: When the time comes to pay your payroll taxes, send the weasels in Sacramento an IOU with an appropriate cover letter such as this:

Dear Governor and State Assembly Members:

Enclosed herewith please find a remittance in the amount of $67,890.12 which is the amount of payroll taxes owed by Lillpop Business Schemes, Inc., for the period ended June 30, 2009.

Because of tough economic times here in California, I have adopted the state's approach to balancing my budget: Simply do not bother!

After all, living within my means is meaningless these days. I know that you understand

As a result, my remittance is in the form of a certified IOU payable to the State of California on June 30, 2010.

Please expect all further payroll tax remittances to be IOUs as well.

By the way, please extend my warm regards to Assemblywoman Noreen Evans for her brilliant concept concerning the meaningless of living within one's means.

Issuing IOUs is much quicker and far less painful to small business owners like myself.

Sincerely,

John W. Lillpop
Proprietor, Lillpop Business Schemes Inc."


Several hundred thousand remittances in the form of IOUs might help enlighten liberals like Assemblywoman Noreen Evans.

And that would be a good thing!

Obama's Three Letter Quagmire: Jobs!

By John W. Lillpop


Despite the fact that nearly one trillion dollars of taxpayer money have been spent to "stimulate" the economy, America's recession continues to worsen.

To quote VP Joe Biden, the problem can be summarized in one three letter word: Jobs!

As reported, in part, at the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/03/business/economy/03jobs.html?_r=1

"The American economy lost 467,000 more jobs in June, and the unemployment rate edged up to 9.5 percent in a sobering indication that the longest recession since the 1930s had yet to release its hold.

“The numbers are indicative of a continued, very severe recession,” said Stuart G. Hoffman, chief economist at PNC Financial Services in Pittsburgh. “There’s nothing in here to show that the economy and the market are pulling out of the grip of recession.”

"The Labor Department’s monthly snapshot of employment, released Thursday, challenged visions of a recovery already taking root. The numbers intensify pressure on the Obama administration to show returns on programs aimed at improving national fortunes — not least its $787 billion stimulus plan."

"Some economists are now calling for another dose of government spending to stimulate the economy, though the White House maintains that enough money is in the pipeline already.

“Not all the recovery money has been put to work yet,” said the labor secretary, Hilda L. Solis. “We’re making progress.”

"But Ms. Solis acknowledged that joblessness was already much worse than the administration projected in January when it created its stimulus spending bill, suggesting then that joblessness would peak at about 8 percent."

The bottom line is that wild, uncontrolled spending by the administration and Democrats in Congress is not working and is, in fact, ruining what is left of the fragile economy.

Unfortunately, spending money is the only thing liberals know hot to do which means that, in all probability, yet another "stimulus" orgy is being considered by people who really do not have a clue.

During the 2008 primaries, Hillary Clinton caused a great deal of consternation among Obama supporters when she sarcastically asked, "What achievement?" in challenging Obama's record in politics and life in general.

Six months into Obama's presidency, Hillary's question is still valid and the answer remains, "There are none."

Unless you consider neutering the national defense, bowing before foreign kings, aiding and abetting terrorists, running up massive debt and otherwise destroying the economy, and betraying America and Americans while speaking on foreign soil to be "achievements."

If complete and total failure is an achievement, Barack Obama is a huge success.

For those of us who love America and want it back, President Obama is stuck in a quagmire of soaring deficits and unemployment.

Obama should do the honorable thing and resign while there still is an America!

Helen Thomas' Declaration of Independence!

By John W. Lillpop

Who would have expected one of the toughest and most loyal liberals in the media to take on the most liberal president in the history of the United States?

In an era in which a television Odd Ball declares that Barack Obama sends a "thrill up and down my leg," nothing but total groveling and surrender is expected from weasels in mainstream media.

However, marking the spirit of the Independence Day holiday, Helen Thomas has declared her personal freedom from Obamamania, at least when it comes to the administration's foolish transparency canard.

As reported, in part, at associatedcontent.com:


"Helen Thomas is not thought of as an Obama critics, since Helen Thomas is the supposed symbol of the liberal media. Helen Thomas was frequently bashed by conservatives for her questions, and speeches, at President Bush. Things are a little different today, as Helen Thomas actually went after the press secretary of a Democratic president. In fact, Helen Thomas actually said that the Obama "control" of the press was worse than Nixon, to further shock the blogosphere.

"Helen Thomas didn't start the battles at yesterday's press briefing, but she certainly highlighted them. Thomas came to the defense of CBS News correspondent Chip Reid, when he tried to ask Press Secretary Robert Gibbs how Obama would choose questions for tonight's town hall meeting in Virginia.

"Reid stated that the administration was controlling both who was going to attend, and what kind of questions would be asked. When Gibbs tried to brush him off, Helen Thomas injected herself in her usual, no-nonsense fashion

"Since Thomas is famous for heated confrontations with press secretaries, and even Presidents, her remarks got more attention. Particularly since Helen Thomas often makes more newsworthy remarks than the press secretary and the President, as they fuel the debate over media coverage and bias one way or another.

"In this case, Thomas told Gibbs that no other White House tried to put this much control over media coverage, and slammed him for doing so despite the administration's calls for "openness and transparency."

"But Thomas saved her biggest quote for afterward, as she told CNS News that not even Richard Nixon had tried to control the media this way. Thomas not only put the Nixon administration on a higher ground than Obama in this area, she didn't even mention George W. Bush as part of it."

Thomas' words are sweet music to the ears of patriots whom have been pointing out Obama's corruption since January 20.

Happy Independence Day, Helen!

Obama's Independence Day Apology

By John W. Lillpop

Given Barack Obama's penchant for tearing down America and Americans at every possible opportunity, do not be surprised if the Anointed One delivers an apology for the 4th of July.

I envision an Obama Independence Day apology speech to sound something like this:

My Fellow World Citizens:

Two hundred thirty three years ago, on July 4, 1776, a small band of angry white Christian males declared their independence and established a new nation, one that was supposed to bring hope and comfort to human kind all across the world.

Regrettably, instead of providing a beacon of hope for the world to rely on, right wing extremists established a nation of renegade capitalists who have started wars and oppressed hundreds of millions of innocent people in order to secure wealth.

Those right wing extremists, now celebrated in much of America as courageous freedom fighters and patriots guided by the divine power of Jesus Christ, have brought more war, poverty, and death to the world than any other demographic in human history.

Those right wing extremists stole property and assets rightfully belonging to subjects of the British Empire.

Those right wing extremists marched relentlessly, seizing all land between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans in the name of "Manifest Destiny" which was their naive way of saying "Jesus made us do it."

Those right wing extremists slaughtered innocent people of color and took away their land and condemned them to live like captured animals.

Those right wing extremists forced English and Christianity down the throats of all people conquered.

Those right wing extremists imported millions of Africans to work as slaves and be considered subhuman because of their race.

Descendants of right wing extremists continued the legacy of treachery by starting world wars and using a devastating nuclear weapon that killed hundreds of thousands of innocent Japanese civilians.

Descendants of right wing extremists created a system of capitalism that rewards greed and punishes compassion.

Descendants of right wing extremists created a system of opportunity and prosperity that unfairly embarrasses and humiliates nations, once considered our allies, who cannot match the greed that lurks in the heart of American capitalists.

Descendants of right wing extremists implemented their racism through Jack Crow laws and mob lynching.

Descendants of right wing extremists continued to treat black people as subhuman through government-sponsored discrimination in education, employment, and housing.

Descendants of right wing extremists invaded Korea, Vietnam, and Iraq in the name of spreading freedom when the real objective was oil and other interests considered vital, economically, to the United States.

On and on the list of transgressions by descendants of right wing extremist goes, making America the most despicable and loathsome nation in human history.

Fellow world citizens, I stand before you today as the new president of the United States, committed to ending the legacy of right wing treachery and replacing it with a policy that takes wealth from the successful and gives said wealth to the mediocre and poor.

My administration is committed to slapping a great deal of that "Yankee" arrogance off the faces of right wing extremists so that America can once again be an obedient, nothing special force that works to be liked by other nations.

Know, too, that CHANGE is the objective of my administration.

YES WE CAN! become a nation of followers and mediocre citizens.

Being second best is America's new "Manifest Destiny" under my administration.

Thank you and praise be to the United Nations, Europe, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, and President Manuel Zelaya and his family.

Allah willing, of course!