Satire by John W. Lillpop
Given the overwhelming public support and success of the ObamaCare health care scheme, White House insiders are privately reporting that first lady Michelle Obama is planning her own Marxist program for dealing with America’s ever-expanding waist lines and blubber pandemic, known in polite circles as obesity.
Although Michelle-Care has yet to be put into legislative language, we are told that the plan has wide support among moon bats everywhere and, best of all, has the blessings of the president who has said he will sign the bill as soon as right-wing extremists stop playing political games.
Because Michelle-Care is still being developed, many of the details are unknown.
However, this much seems certain:
* Federal Height-Weight Standards
Using the much-despised standards issued by insurance companies, Michelle-Care will, beginning in 2014, require that all Americans submit to an annual physical examination by a licensed doctor, and that said exam include a precise measurement of height and weight.
Results shall be digitally-reported to the regional IRS enforcement office within ten hours and made a part of the permanent record for the victim.
Victims who exceed the federal standard will be subject to a $5,000 fine for each violation. Repeat offenders may also face criminal charges and incarceration, if deemed appropriate by the attending IRS agent.
* Government-Approved Foods
Prevention of obesity and attendant diseases is the ultimate objective of Michelle-Care. To that end, the bill will include a detailed list of government foods that are healthy choices and without salt, sugar, fat and other ingredients that lead to high-blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.
Random tests are being developed by government scientists to detect the presence of salt, sugar, etc. in the blood of children and young adults in the public education system.
Appropriate sanctions will be implemented to protect children from abusive parents who allow unauthorized foods to be consumed at home or school. In some instances, it will be necessary for the government to take a child into protective custody for the well-being of the child, and to execute criminal charges against the offending parents.
* Job Creation
Because Michelle-Care will mandate the creation of several new government bureaucracies and the hiring of 20,000 IRS enforcement agents, the president will claim credit for creating about 400,000 jobs for the economy.
* Deficit Neutral
For those who care about the run-away federal deficit, Michelle-Care provides great news: All spending will be paid for by a special “Health Tax” that will be assessed on families making more than $250,000 a year. Should the actual costs associated with Michelle-Care exceed estimates, the president will be authorized to unilaterally increase the “Health Tax” as needed to assure that the deficit-neutral nature of Michelle-Care is not breached.
* Waivers
As was the case with ObamaCare, waivers may be granted in cases of extreme hardship. For instance, Hispanics generally consume foods high in fats and salt. Because of their increasing power as a voting block, waivers may be needed to level the playing field for these vital Americans.
Michelle-Care will be put into legislative lingo as soon as possible and introduced to Congress shortly thereafter.
President Obama will urge passage as soon as possible, without delay, and sans games and politics.
Michelle-Care: Is America ready for this Marxist baloney?
